A Day In Therapy
by St. Fang of Boredom
Summary: A day at St. Fang's Center for Fanfiction-Effected Characters. Total randomness. King Leonidas conquers a chair, Alice makes a break for Macy's, and Fang is healed by the power of Jesus. You people wouldn't let it stay a one-shot....
1. Support Group

I'm just having one of those moments when I'm not even sure what to put in the A/N.

Fang: What about a....

Me:

**Dissssssssssssssssssclaima'!:** I don't own.....Let's see if I can name everything I don't own n this crazy fic! -deep breath-

Maximum Ride, Harry Potter, Twilight, Macy's, 300, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, The Labyrinth, "Hum, pocky, pocky, pocky, DEAD PIÑATA, DEAD PIÑATA!!!" (owned by SparxFlame), the art of acupuncture, HotPockets, Evangelistic Preachers, and Jesus.

Everything else, I've got dibs.

Fang: Wow.........Jesus?

Me: What? I _definetely _don't own him! That would be, like, against my religion.

Fang: Yet, you make fun of the Evangelistic Preachers.

Me: Only the really loud, boisterous ones that just want your money.

Fang: Sometimes, I think you _want_ to get flamed.

Me: Sure! Why not? I never get flamed!

Fang: Ok......

Me: And a....

**Note: **Just because I'm making fun of certain cliches doesn't mean I'm claiming to have never committed them. Just thought I'd mention that before someone pointed it out.

* * *

Saint's POV (Yeah, I know, WTF?)

As I walked into the room and laid eyes on my newest group, I sighed sadly. Maybe this epidemic was going a bit too far....

I walked over to the circle and placed my hands on the back of my chair, facing the group. "Hello, everyone. My name is Saint and-"

"DEATH EATER!!!" Harry Potter screamed, jumping to his feet. "I'll get you!!!"

"No, Harry, I'm not a Death Eater, remember? We went over this in our one-on-one meeting."

"Oh, yeah..." Harry said, taking his seat.

"Ummmm......Saint person?" Alice said, raising her hand. "I predict that this meeting is going to be for a while, and there's a sale on at Macy's I wanted to go to while I was in town and-"

"Alice..." I said warningly.

She put her hand down, silenced.

"Anyway, I would like to welcome all of you to our Fanfiction Cliche Support Group, offered here at St. Fang's Center For Fanfiction-Effected Characters. This group has been created to help all of you that have been effected by character cliches, stereotypes, Mary Sues, and any other type of Fanfiction insanity." I said, taking my seat. "It is my hope that we will be able to help you get past some of these impulses and habits and go back to living your lives."

Max's hand shot up.

I sighed. "Yes, Ms. Ride?"

"How come _you_ get the head seat? _I'm_ the leader, so I should-"

"Max, we discussed that _I'm_ the leader here, remember?"

"But-"

I glared, and she was silenced.

I tried to begin again, but noticed movement out of the corner of my eye.

"Legolas, your hair will be fine. Could you leave it alone for this meeting?"

He relunctantly put his hairbrush down.

I noticed an empty seat next to him. "Now, who's-"

"CONQUER!!!" King Leonidas yelled, in and jumping onto his chair.

"King Leo, that s enough!" I said. "That chair is yours, you don't need to conquer it!"

Sometimes, I wondered if King Leo's problem was actually _caused_ by Fanfiction, or if he had just lost it.

After I got his majesty calmed down, I tried, once again, to start the meeting. "Now, I know _some_ of you have complained about coming here." My eyes travelled to Alice. "Both you who come of your own free will," My eyes flicked to Legolas. "And those of you who have been court-ordered to come for both your's and other's well being." I didn't dare look at King Leo. I might set him off. "So today, I've decided to give you an example of when help comes too late. I just want to warn all of you, especially you, Max, that this might be a bit upsetting, but I feel this is something you have to see."

"Why should this be especially upsetting to me?" Max asked. "I'm a leader!" I have no idea why she added that.

"It's Fang." I said, just deciding to go ahead and be blunt. She let out a small gasp of surprise. "As you will soon see, Fang has been effected by two very different Fanfiction personalities of himself. One side is a very OOC version of himself where he shows more emotion than is normal for, well, anyone, much less Fang. The other, which is almost worse, in a way, is where he shows so little emotion he's almost inhuman, which, though closer to his actual self, is still not his true personality." I was silent for a minute, letting the information sink in. Plus, I just felt the need for a dramatic pause. "So, without further ado..." I continued. "Spiffy? Pooky? Could you bring Fang in, please?"

Pooky the Penguin and The Hobbit Named Spiffy lead a blank-faced Fang into the room, in a straight jacket. Ok, so Fang wasn't really dangerous enough for a straight jacket, but I had hm where it anyway, just for effect. We had another dramatic pause as the group stared at Fang in shock and Fang stared at a random spot on the wall, emo-scowling. That was another problem we were having with Fang; over-emoness, but I didn't feel like overwhelming the group with all of Fang's problems, especially Max, who looked a little freaked-out.

"Now," I said to the group. "As you can all see, Fang is in his emotionless state right now, which is-"

"WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT ME?!?!?!?!" Fang suddenly burst out, trying desperately to break away from Pooky and Spiffy and hide behind me chair. "STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!"

"Shhh....Shhh...." I said, getting up and putting an arm around Fang. 'It's ok, they're just looking at you because they like you! We're all friends here."

Fang shook his head. "I have no friends!" he yelled, bursting into tears. He curled up on the floor, rocking back and forth and crying.

"Well, at least we don't have to worry about hi cutting himself with that jacket on." Spiffy muttered to Pooky.

I spun around to face them. "When did _that_ start?!" I whispered to the two.

Pooky shrugged. "We caught him trying to cut himself today......with a banana."

I sighed. "Maybe we should send him back to his room..."

"No one loves me!" Fang cried out, sobbing.

"_I_ love you, Fang!" Max cried, pouncing toward him and hugging him tightly. "I'll always love you!"

"I I I I I I I I I I I I Will Always Love Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Quil Ateara sang, walking by the room. We had no idea what was wrong with him, just that he kept singing. We kept him around, though. Heck, if we couldn't cure him, at least he was good entertainment.

"Fang, you're my soul mate!" Max gushed.

"Ummm.....wouldn't that be OOC Max behavior?" Spiffy asked. "Suddenly admitting her undying love for Fang?"

"Not since the 5th book." I answered.

Suddenly, Fang stopped crying. He was just staring off over Max's shoulder, emo-scowling again.

"Fang? Fang?" Max asked, upset.

"He's gone back into his non-responsive state." I told her, snapping my fingers. Pooky and Spiffy quickly pulled him away from Max and led him back out of the room. I forced Max back into her seat so she wouldn't follow him.

"Now do you all see why these meetings are so important?" I asked my group. They all nodded. Well, most of them. I noticed there was one empty chair...

Quickly, I grabbed the intercom phone off the wall and pushed the red button, setting off the alarm. "We have a Code V." I said into the phone. "Repeat, Code V for escaped vampire. Alice Cullen is loose in the building."

"Stay." I told my group, leaving the room and locking the door behind me. I raced through the halls, which were now in an uproar, heading for the exit that was closest to Macy's.

I raced past the room where we were working with Voldemort, who, for some unknown reason, decided Friday nights were lingerie night with the Death Eaters. I caught a quick glimpse of Darth Vader, lying on a bed and telling one of my doctors about how he had never had a father. I had to run right through where I couple of my workers were trying to shove Aragorn, King of Gondor, into a bathtub. (Boy, did he _need_ it!)

I finally pulled into a long hallway and caught sight of Alice. She, of course, caught my scent and kicked it into super-vamp speed, but I had some tricks of my own up my sleeve....

I pressed a button on the wall and the entire floor of the hall opened. Alice let out a surprised scream as she fell. (You think she would've seen that coming.) I, on the other hand, expected it, of course, and fell silently, landing gracefully on my feet. Now, you're all wondering how I could fall, like, 200 feet without ending up in the E.R. Well, it's _my_ darn Fanfiction! If I want to fall off Mt. Everest and land in a pile of marshmallows, I can.

Anyway, we had fallen into a room full of stairs. Lots of stairs. Stairs going upside-down, vertically, horizontally, everywhere. Alice looked around, confused.

"Looking for Macy's?" I asked her. "Well, go find it!"

"Fine!" She spat. She ran off.

I just pulled up a step and waited.

After about an hour of Alice going upside-down, sideways, walking through doors that led back to the beginning, and me randomly singing, 'You Remind Me of the Babe...', Alice finally came to a stop in front of me.

"Alright! Alright! I give up! Which way's out?"

I sighed, standing up and motioning for her to follow. "This way..."

As we walked, I pulled out a walkie-talkie, turning it on. "Spiffy? Remind me to thank Jareth for installing the stairs room..."

* * *

I was _finally_ able to wrap up the group meeting and send everyone home, Alice with a stern warning, an appointment for a one-on-one meeting, and an order for Jasper to drive her here and back from now on, so she could be watched.

I walked through the halls, slowly this time, the rest of my day free.

Well, kind of free.

I still needed to work on getting an assistant. You see, all this therapy stuff was hard work! I needed help. I needed to choose someone smart, hard-working. A multi-tasker. Someone who knew what he or she was doing and could really help me. A miracle worker.

Or, I could be more realistic and choose Fang.

Problem with Fang: His current multiple personality disorder.

I'd been working so hard to fix it, but so far, nothing seemed to do the trick. I was going to his room again today to try something new. (Doesn't that sentence sound wrong if you take it out of context?)

"Going to work with Fang again?" Someone asked from behind. I turned. Snape. "I could give you a helpful potion!"

I rolled my eyes. "The last _helpful_ potion you gave me turned him green. So, no."

"What about one of _my_ potions?" Angela the Witch asked.

"No potions!" I yelled, continuing my walk.

I made it to the entrance of the high-security ward, where I had a run-in with the guard.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!"

I sighed. 'It's me, Gandalf. Saint. Not a Balrog."

"Oh." he said, stepping aside.

Why was it so hard to get good help these days?

I walked by the cells in silence, listening to my patients cry, scream, and sing. Now you want to know what's up with the singing. Well, we stuck Quil down here, not because he was dangerous, but because he added some joyful noises to this dismal place. Right now, he was singing 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough.' Entertaining little furball, isn't he?

As I walked by Bella Swan's cell, I heard the usual screams for Edward to help. I stopped. "Bella, you really _haven't_ been kidnapped this time! You're here for help!"

Of course, she wasn't listening. "Edward! Edward! He's gonna come get me, and you'll be sorry!!"

"I'll save you, Bells!" Mike Newton yelled from down the hall. "I love you!"

"Stalker." I muttered, motioning for my guards to shut him up. Not only did he usually make things worse, he was annoying.

"I'll let you out......If you help me with World Domination!" Angel yelled from her cell. "Mwahahahahahaha!!! I am the true leader!!!"

"Quiet, Angel, or no dessert!"

Silence. Perfect.

"Hum, pocky, pocky, pocky, DEAD PIÑATA, DEAD PIÑATA!!!"

I shook my head. Ah, SparxFlame's monks were at it again!

I finally made it down to Fang's cell, where Pooky and Spiffy were standing guard.

"Hey, Saint, gonna try and fix Fang's head again?" Pooky asked.

I nodded. "I'm going to try some new techniques."

"Hey, what about acupucture?" Spiffy asked, pulling out his dagger.

I stared down at the sharp weapon. "Spiffy, don't they use _little_ needles for that?"

Spiffy stared at his dagger and shrugged. "That's what we use where I come from, and it works every time! After _we_ do acupucture, the person we do it to never repeats the bad behavior again!"

"I wonder why....." Pooky muttered.

"That's ok, Spiffy, I think I'll pass on acupucture this time....Besides, Fang's afraid of needles."

"Fine..." Spiffy said, putting his dagger away.

The two of them opened the door to Fang's cell and let me inside. I had to be careful not to trip as I walked in. I mean, it wouldn't matter, the floors, walls, and ceiling were extremely padded. I wouldn't hurt myself, but I just didn't want to look stupid.

I immedietaly spotted Fang, sitting in the middle of the cell, rocking back and forth, staring blankly at the padded walls.

"Fang?" I asked, trying to get his attention.

Fang jumped. "Why do you keep bothering me?!?!?!" He cried, bursting into tears.

I sighed. We still had work to do....

My plan for today was to use some of my powers as a Fanfiction Writer. Never underestimate the powers of a Writer. Hmmmm.......Maybe a simple spell or two?

I raised my hands. "Abra Kadabra, Alakazam! Hotpocket!"

There was a flash of light, and Fang was staring off into space, smiling. "I love Max..." He kept muttering to himself.

I smacked my forehead. Great, I made him lovesick.

I raised my hands again. "Hocus Pocus, Mandarin Oranges!"

There was another flash of light and Fang was, literally, rolling on the floor, laughing hysterically.

I rolled my eyes.

Obviously, I needed a new tactic. Maybe some rhyming spells?

* * *

**Fang is driving me insane**

**Please let this spell fix his brain!**

* * *

There was a strange ringing noise and then, horror of horrors, Fang started screaming. Like a girl.

A sissy girl.

I covered my ears.

* * *

**Fang's screaming is making me quite pissy**

**Make him stop screaming like a sissy!**

* * *

At least _that_ spell worked. Now, he was just whimpering pathetically.

I crossed my arms and watched him, thinking. Obviously, this was going to take desperate measures...

Well, there was one technique I hadn't tried yet, besides acupucture, of course. My 'Evangelistic Preacher Technique'.

I raised my arms to the Heavens and, in the thickest Southern accent I could muster, yelled, "BE HEALED BY THE POWER OF JESUS!!"

Out of nowhere, a bolt of lightning hit Fang. "BEGONE, SATAN!" I screamed.

Finally, the lightening bolt went away and left some slightly-burnt cushions and a very confused Fang.

"Ummmm......Saint? What just happened?"

"YOU HAVE BEEN HEALED! PRAISE JESUS!"

"Huh?!?!"

I cleared my throat, dropping the Southern accent. "I mean, finally! You're back to normal!" I turned toward the door. "Hey, Spiffy, Pooky! I healed him with my 'Evangelistic Preacher Technique', and didn't even burn him to a crisp like the last one!"

As Spiffy and Pooky cheered, Fang stared. "The last one? Burnt to a crisp?"

"Oh, forget about that." I said, pulling him up by the arm. "You're fine. And now, you need to become my assistant!"

"I don't have a choice in this, do I?"

I shook my head.

He sighed. "Ok, lead the way."

I dragged him out of the cell and down the hall. "Ok, Fang, first on the agenda is this problem we're having with Angel..."

* * *

I'm going to say it now, before anyone gets me for it, I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the whole 'Evangelistic Preacher' or 'Southern accent' thing. Really, I love you people. I got the ideas on YouTube from either makemebad35's Evangelistic Preacher video or the video 'Lord of the Rings, in a Nutshell'. Don't ask. I mean no offense and sorry if you are now upset with me and want to beat me with a cheese grater.

Though, I ask, if you _are_ going to leave me a comment with criticism, _please_, if you don't have an account, give me some way to respond! I _love_ to respond! I promise, I will not yell at you or anything, really, even if you yell at me! I've had problems with wanting to answer people and not being able to. Maddening...

Anyway.....So that's the randomness that comes out of me a 7:30 in the morning in World Literature class.....Wow...

Fang: BEGONE SATAN!!!

Me:.....What are you doing?

Fang:....I was hoping you would 'be gone'.

Me: Nice try.....

R&R?


	2. The OC Quarters

-sighs- You guys know this was only supposed to be a oneshot, right?

You people....

Fang: You realize you don't _have_ to do what the reviewers tell you to, right?

Me: Yeah! I just felt like it!

Fang: Then stop complaining!

Me: No!

Fang: Why?

Me: Complaining and ranting are both hobbies of mine. I mean, really, just look at St. Fang's Poetry Corner! I've turned that thing into rant central!

Fang: It's less and less about poetry every day.....

Me: But, we're straying from the topic.

Fang: As always.

Me: So, onto the story!

**An Extra Disclaimer!!: **I usually try to use just one disclaimer per story, but since I'm writing another chapter to this, I'm just going to add that I don't own....a lot of other stuff. I have no clue what I may mention, so, well, you people are smart. If you don't know if I own it or not, Google it. Or ask me. Whatever.

**I Claim!!!!:** All OCs are MINE!!!! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!!! I am _extremely_ protective of my OCs, so don't even _think_ about stealing them. I've been known to loan out some, like Pooky and Spiffy _with permission_. I'd also like credit. But, that's not the point. The point is, _DON'T TOUCH MY FLIPPING OCS!!!!!!_

* * *

Saint's POV (I return!!!)

"Fang, that bookcase is there to store books. Not to be your personal perch."

Ever since I had cured Fang of his multiple-emotion-personality-thingy, he'd been following me around, which was good, since he was supposed to learn what to do from me, he'd been helping, which was equally good, and he'd been pigging out in the employee break room and stealing people's food, which was not so good. Now, he had taken to using the bookcase in my office to lounge on.

Fang just stretched out his wings, taking another bite out of his apple in the process. "What? Where am I supposed to sit?"

"I have chairs."

"You have only one comfortable chair that's decent enough to sit in, and you're sitting in it."

I looked up from the papers I was going over on my desk. "Fang, if it bugs you that much, go out and buy your own damn chair. Macy's is just down the road."

Fang rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know. I chased Alice there last Tuesday." He threw his apple core into the trash. "Hey, I've got an idea. How about you give me my own office?"

Once again, I looked up from my papers. "Wait, Fang, I've got an even better idea! We could gouge our eyes out with sporks! Doesn't that sound like fun?!"

He glared at me. "What's wrong with having my own office?"

"Simple. You'd have a place to store all the other employee's food."

Before he could respond, my office door flew open.

"Saint!" Spiffy yelled, racing in, panting. "We have an issue down in the OC quarters!"

I rolled my eyes. "What now?"

"It's Cor again."

"Oh, great." I turned to Fang. "Guess what, boy? All your dreams are about to come true." I picked up the stack of papers I was going over and shoved them into his arms. "Go over those while I'm gone. And yes, you can sit in my comfy spinny chair to do it."

I followed Spiffy out of my office. He escorted me threw the halls, passing a couple patients in the process. King Leonidas was trying to conquer the printer. Again. I saw one of my therapists giving the White Witch of Narnia an ink blot test. Obviously, it wasn't going well. Her response to every blot was 'Son of Adam! Die!'

We finally made it to the door to the OC quarters, where Pooky was standing guard. When I started to go in, Pooky and Spiffy didn't follow. "Aren't you guys coming?"

They both shook their heads. "It could get ugly in there." Spiffy said.

"This is more than just Cor, isn't it?" I asked.

They both just nodded. "We're......going to Andrew's to play ROFLcopter. See ya!" Pooky said. They ran around the corner.

Those two were useless sometimes.....

I walked down the eerily silent halls of the OC quarters. This was weird....where were they all? I decided to check the huge Multi-Purpose Room at the other end of the quarters.

As I headed towards the room, I saw one familiar face.

"Hey, Quil."

He just waved as he walked along, singing his latest song. "Very Superstitious!!!"

I made it to the huge double doors of the Multi-Purpose Room. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door.

"SAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNTTTTT!!!!! GET OVER HERE AND FIX THIS MESS!!"

"Felicity Nightingale, _calm the flip down!_" I said to the angry bird-girl. Her black hair was frazzled, and she was pointing menacingly at another bird-teen, a boy, who was staring blank-faced at a wall, sitting in a chair.

I sighed, making my way through the crowd of OCs towards the boy. Cor. He was blonde, tall, and deadly. Well, normally. I'd been having some trouble with his emotions, or lack thereof, lately. It was much like the issue I'd had with Fang, minus the emo scowl. I waved my hand in front of his face. "Cor?"

Nothing.

"Cor?" I said, a little louder.

Still, nothing.

"COR!!!" I whacked him with a herring.

"Huh?" He said, shaking his head. "Why do I smell like fish?"

I turned to Felicity. "See? No big deal."

"But it _is_ a big deal, Saint." She answered, still slightly pissed. "He's been doing that ever since you started thinking about writing that story about him. The story you never _did_ get to writing, by the way. Something you've been doing to most of us...."

I sighed. Not this rant again. "Felicity, I can only work on so many stories at a time. I will get to Cor's eventually, as I will get to all of you. You just have to have patience."

"Patience!!" She spat. "Some of us have been patient for so long, we could file for Social Security! Just look at poor Old Man River!"

She pointed to Old Man River, who was falling asleep in his chair in the corner.

"Felicity, he doesn't count. He was created to be old. Hence the name."

"Whatever. Personally, I think I've been waiting long enough." She sneered. "I think you're _afraid_ to write my story. You're afraid it's too cliche."

I nearly laughed. "Felicity, I'm not afraid to write cliches, as long as they're original enough not to be boring. Your story will come, Felly, it's just, well....."

"Well, what?"

"I don't think Fang's ready to deal with you yet."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Felicity, you're so....wild. And Fang's so.....not."

"So? I'm his sister!"

"And I'm his Doctor! Therapist! Boss! Slave-Master! Thing!" I shot back. I wasn't quite sure which title to use.

"I'm his sister, too!" A little girl said, jumping into the fray.

"Meggy, hun, you'll get your chance, too." I reassured her.

"Well, I'm Max's brother!" Cor said from his chair, using a wet cloth to wipe the fishy-ness off. "And I'm just ignored! Completely ignored!"

I rolled my eyes. "Which is what part of your fic is about...."

"I'm Iggy's sister!"

I spun around to face Lilith. "Lil, the reason _you_ don't have a story was because every time I tried to work on yours, you demanded I change your wardrobe _every five minutes!_"

"I'm Nudge's brother!"

I looked around for the voice and spotted Nate. "Uhh...Nate? No, you're not."

"Yeah I am! I look just like her!"

"Nate, you're the whitest kid I know."

"No, I'm not!"

"Nate, you're so white, you glow in the dark."

".....Damn."

"Now, please, all Flock siblings, or wannabe siblings..." I glared at Nate. "Please, we'll have a meeting about this sometime later. I need to get back to work!"

"What about the rest of us, Sainty?"

I turned around, already knowing what was coming. "Wen, we've discussed this...."

"I've been waiting so (censor) long for my own (censor) story, Elrond could be getting (censor) gray hairs by now!"

"Taurwen Thranduilion, the reason I haven't written _your_ story is very simple."

"What the (censor) is it?"

"You swear to much. You're pissing off the censors!"

I pointed to the censors, where they were sitting at their desks, looking pretty pissed.

Wen flipped them the bird.

"What about...." There was a flash of lightning. "ME!!! Mwahahaha!!!" A dark-haired girl appeared in the lightning flash.

"Zelkora, I'm not even sure what kind of fanfic you'd fit into."

"What's so hard about fitting me in?"

"You're the daughter of a Goddess. You figure it out."

"What about us?" I heard two voices say in cute little southern accents.

I looked down to see the twins, Zerah and Pharez. "Once again, nowhere to put you."

"What about our big sister?" They pointed to Abby.

I just shrugged. "You know, there are a lot of you that exist for reasons even I, your creator, can't even fathom."

"Well I'm sure _I_ have a point!" I voice said next to me. "If you can use Cody, you can use me!"

My eyes flicked to my right. "That's not exactly true, Luke. Or is it Lacy today?"

The guy, whowas dressed in the most elaborate outfit I'd see all day, which included a plaid shirt, a ball cap, and a skirt, just shrugged. "I haven't made up my mind yet."

"I want a story of my very own..." A vampire whined from behind me.

"I'll think about it, Shu."

"Why are you speaking to your shoe?" Justin, who was also nearby, asked.

"Not shoe, Justin, Shu." I pointed to the vampire.

"Oh, Shu!" Justin exclaimed.

"Why do you make fun of my name?!" Shu whined again.

"Oh, Shu, shoo." I told him, waving him away.

Justin took my arm at that point. "How about I escort you out of here so you can get back to work?"

I smiled. "Ah, what a gentleman you've turned out to be, Justin, despite your strange parentage."

* * *

Justin kindly escorted me out of the OC quarters, ending up escorting the lost Quil as well, who thanked him with his rendition of 'You Are My Sunshine.'

I began to work my way back to my office, making a mental note to schedule an OC meeting soon to work out this mess.

Unfortunately, as I made my way through the halls, I ended up in another confrontation.

You know, many people have said that, since I have captured Fang, I should capture Max as well. Reunite them. Make them happy. Keep the Fax coming! Now, though I'm not obsessed with Fax, I do quite like it, and have no problem with Faxness. Sure, looking at Fang sometimes, it's hard not to....keep him to myself. How about Saint/Fang? Sang? Faint? Any girl who had that kid in her clutches would think it, really. But, alas, I annoy the little bugger. Besides, I guess he has this thing for other girls with wings. So, I guess I should just reunite him with Max and continue my quest to kidnap either Orlando Bloom or Joe Jonas. Preferably, both.

But, there's just one little problem with that, concerning Max...

"GIVE ME THE COOKIES!!!! I'M THE LEADER, AND I SAY I WANT COOKIES!!!"

Let's just say, since that last Support Group, Max had gotten worse. I didn't think the time for reuniting them was now.

"Cookies!!!" She broke away from the two doctors who were holding her and ran towards me, grabbing the collar of my cloak. "Do _you_ have cookies? Give me cookies! I want the cookies!! Feed the leader!! COOKIES!!!"

"Calm down, Cookie Monster." I said, gently pulling her hands off my cloak. "You can have cookies later, if you're good. You're not being very good right now."

She whimpered, but was silent.

"Good." I motioned for her doctors to take her back to her room. I straightened out my cloak.

"Just....wean her off the cookies slowly." I whispered to one doctor. "She won't survive quitting cold turkey."

* * *

I finally made it back to my office, where Fang was asleep at my desk, using my papers as a pillow.

I considered whacking the kid awake, but I just didn't have it in me. Eh, let him sleep. I grabbed another pile of papers and crawled up on top of the bookcase and proceeded to take a nap myself.

In the end, I was serenaded to sleep by Quil. "Cliiiiimb Every Mountain! Ford Every Stream! Follow Every Rainbow, 'Till You Find Your Dream!"

I'd have to ask him when he'd listened to 'The Sound of Music.'

* * *

Does anyone else fight with their OCs? Or am I just insane?

Fang: You're just insane. And annoying. And there will never be a such thing as Saint/Fang.

Me: Alas.

Wen: -censor-

Me: Shut up.

Felicity: Fang! I'm your sister!

Fang: WTF?!

Me: -knocks Felicity out- When did you guys escape?

Zelkora: -appears in lightning bolt- 5 minutes ago. Quick, to Friendly's! I'm hungry!

OCs: Friendly's!!! -stampede-

Fang: -flies the two of us to safety- Nevermind. _They're_ insane.

Me: Yep.

Fang: But you created them....

Me: True.

Fang:.....I give up.

R&R?

Oh, any OCs interest you? Would you like me to use any of them? Suggest it! Cor's story already has an outline and Felicity's impatient for one.


	3. Fang in Ward 14

So, I've started writing a story about Cor, just because I felt like it one day in class. No idea when it will be up, though. It'll depend on my work load for the summer.

Which reminds me....

**I graduate June 19th! Go class of 2009!**

Yes, I'm bragging about this everywhere I go.

Fang: And getting annoying...

Me: Hey, you're graduating with us!

Fang: Which is weird on many levels. How is that even possible?

Me: -shrugs- In my world, anything is possible.

Fang: True.......Do I really have to wear a tie to graduation?

Me: Yep. If you don't, the Principal will give you one. Heck, I have to wear a dress or skirt! Girls aren't allowed to wear dress pants!

Fang: Is this gonna turn into a sexist pig rant?

Me: Possibly.

Fang: Let's get on with the fic, then.

Me: What, excited 'cause it's your POV?

Fang: Oh, very.....

* * *

Fang's POV (Something New!)

"And....I'm a witch! How can I be a witch?"

"No clue." I said, shrugging. "That, uhh, sucks, though." I added, remembering to be sympathetic or whatever.

I went back to doodling on the notepad Saint had given me. I had no clue what I was supposed to be doing with it, anyway. Saint had just ran by me this morning, yelled, "I'm busy! Here, take over the therapy sessions!", handed me a clipboard, some paper, and a date book, and ran off. So now, I was in a room, doodling on a notepad, listening to some guy named Phil complain about his vampire sister and him being a witch, and using way too many commas in this paragraph.

"What should I do about this whole 'witch' thing?" Phil asked me.

I shrugged again. "Go to Hogwarts?"

"But I don't want to be a witch!"

I sighed, realizing I was actually going to have to do some talking. "Well, I think you're screwed on that one. Blame your parents. Have you tried ignoring the whole 'being a witch' thing?"

"Yeah." he said. "But I keep predicting stuff."

I checked my watch. Noon. Thank God. "Well, I'd say try denial. Anyway, it's my lunch hour, so you can make another appointment with the secretary outside." And meet with somebody who cares....

As soon as I was rid of witch doctor Phil, I made my way to the cafeteria. It seemed like ever since I'd gotten stuck with Saint, my life had been full of, well, weirdness. And not the kind of weirdness I was used to. Witches, vampires, obsessions, insanity, werewolves, elves, herrings....Nothing made sense. And I kept getting pulled farther and farther into it.

I got a tray full of food and brought it up to Saint's office. I had learned on day one to never eat in the cafeteria. Usually, by the time you were half done with your food, either a patient had escaped and was running around with a sawed-off shotgun or the kitchen had set on fire.

I was glad to see that when I got to her office, it was empty. Awesome, I get the desk. I was just about to dig in, when the door flew open. Great.

Quil was standing on the other side. _"We've got a big, big mess on our hands tonight!"_ he sang before being pushed out of the way by Spiffy.

"Fang, where's Saint?" the hobbit asked. "She's needed in Ward 14."

"Ward 14?" I said. "That's the dangerous Witches and Wizards section, correct?"

"Yeah." said Pooky, following his friend in. "Bellatrix is going beserk down there."

"Well, Saint's not here." I said, going back to my food. "You'll just have to deal."

Suddenly, I was being pulled to my feet by Spiffy and Pooky. They were trying to drag me down the hall.

"What are you to doing?"

"Well, you _are_ Saint's assistant." Spiffy said.

"So you need to handle it." Pooky added.

"I don't think-"

They both glared at me. "Fang..." Pooky was holding his laser gun.

Why am I always screwed around here?

"Ok, ok, let's go."

* * *

Halfway to Ward 14, it occured to me I was going down to face a mad, powerful, evil witch who laughed when she killed people.

And I'd been afraid of a laser gun?

But by the time this fully hit me, I was pushed through the Ward 14 doors.

The first thing I ever saw in Ward 14 was a big, bright red light coming straight at me. I quickly ducked, and the spell missed me by inches.

"Ok, guys." I said to Spiffy and Pooky. "Now what?"

No answer.

"Guys?" I looked around, but the hobbit and his penguin friend were nowhere to be found.

Oh, _perfect_.

I heard an evil cackle of laughter. "Death! Death to all who have trapped me! DEATH!!!!"

I had to quickly dodge another spell. Maybe this was the time to.......say something?

"Bellatrix? Hi, I'm Fang, and-"

"DEATH!!" she screeched. _"Avada Kedavra!"_

Ok, I'm no idiot. I dodged that one faster than a flying Max on Speed. I heard her hiss in anger.

"Stay still, pretty birdy, and I'll make some fried chicken out of you!"

"Or.......not." I answered. "Bellatrix, what's your issue?"

"I want freedom!............And death!!"

Ok...."Well, I kinda know how you feel. About freedom, that is. I'm having trouble with the whole 'death' thing."

"I shall have my revenge on you all!" she screamed. _"Crucio!"_

I dodged again. "You know those spells are illegal, right?"

"Yes!"

"Well, maybe if you didn't use them, you wouldn't be here!"

"......But I want to use them!"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, well, when Saint has PMS, I get the urge to commit murder, but I _don't_ because it's _illegal._ It's called _self-control_."

She started to think about this logic, then just shrugged. "DEATH!!"

She cast another spell at me, which I dodged. "You know, I think you have some anger issues. We could set you up with a councilor, and-"

"I do not have issues!" she screeched. "I can't help but kill!"

"We have medication for that." I shot back.

Her face turned red with anger. _"Imperio!"_

That one was fast. I was hit. But, I was....Ok. Fine. Actually, I felt pretty good.

_"Fang, come over here."_ I heard Bellatrix's voice say.

Oh, sure. Why not? I got up and walked over.

She smiled at me. _"Wonderful. Now, hold my wand."_

Hey, I can be helpful. I reached out and she placed her wand in my hand.

_"Now, point it this way."_ She turned the wand around so it was pointing straight at me.

I just stared at it. It was a nice shade of black. I wondered if Saint would let me get one...

_"Now, repeat after me."_ Bellatrix said, grinning. "_Avada Kedavra."_

I started to open my mouth, but then I thought about it. _Avada Kedavra_ kills people. I'm holding a wand. If I say that, I'll kill someone. That's bad. The wand is pointing at me. If I say that, it kills me. That's _really_ bad.

I locked my jaw shut.

_"Say 'Avada Kedavra.'"_ Bellatrix said again.

I started shaking, my head began to pound, but I kept my mouth shut.

_"Say it!"_ she screeched, impatient.

Instead, I began to turn the wand back around to point at her.

She didn't notice. She was too busy glaring and yelling at me. _"SAY IT!!!"_

I opened my mouth, thinking of one of the spells I'd learned from Saint. _"Stupefy."_

* * *

Why is it every time I pass out around here, I wake up smelling like fish?

I opened my eyes to see Saint standing over me, holding her herring. Oh, that's why.

"Fang! You did it!"

"Did what?" I asked, massaging my temples. Ow, headache.

"You passed the test!"

"What test?"

"Well, two tests." Saint explained. "Your test against an evil witch, and the Imperious Test. It proves you're incorruptible."

I shrugged. "Incorruptible, huh? Have you tried Chinese food? Hot Topic gift cards? Freedom?"

As one of the few people with the priviledge to see Saint's face, I saw her eyebrows raise. "Hot Topic gift cards?"

"What? You like Hot Topic."

"For the Twilight stuff. Oh, and that cool backpack I got there with the wings."

"Yeah, well, I like stuff there, too."

"Are you sure you're not suppressing some emo side, Fang?"

"Oh, shut up."

As we made our way back to Saint's office, I decided to ask her something. "Saint, can I have a wand?"

She looked at me like I was crazy, then sighed and shook her head. "We'll see."

It was the first time she hadn't given me a direct 'no'.

It was a start.

* * *

Note: Phil is a character in Night World.

Fang: So, do I get a wand?

Me: Like I said, we'll see. .....You know, we should go to Hot Topic sometime...

Fang: Definetely.

Me: Emo.

Fang: Calling me Emo is like calling you Preppy.

Me: Point.

R&Rzez?


	4. The Stork Has Arrived! Damn

Kitty....Pretty kitty.....

Fang: Yeah, your cat is nice. Now, make her go away.

Me: I love my kitty!

Fang: Psst!

Sasha (the kitty): -jumps away-

Me: -whacks Fang- You scared my kitty!

Fang: Your kitty keeps trying to bite me!

Me: Those are love bites!

Fang: Since when do you bite people you love?

Me: -bites Fang-

Fang: OWWW!! Saint! First, you let me burn my hand on the stove, then you bite me?!

Me: It was your own fault when you burnt your hand.

Fang: It was _your_ fault for leaving boiling water on the stove!

Me: I was coming back to it!

Fang; Whatever...What'd you bite me for?

Me: It was a love bite!

Fang: That was a painful love bite.

Me: You won't be forgetting it, will you?

Fang: I wish I could.

Me: I guess we shall get on with the story, huh?

Fang: Let's.

* * *

Saint's POV

"Lollipop! Lollipop! Oh, lolli, lolli, lolli!"

Well, readers, guess who I'm working with today.

"Quil, if you can't stop singing, could you at least pick a different song? That one's annoyed me since I had to sing it in choir in ninth grade."

Quil shrugged. "Stacy's Mom, has got it goin' on!"

"Ok, Quil, now I'm disturbed."

"You're hot, then you're cold, you're yes, than you're no!"

I sighed. "You know what, Quil? Our meeting's just about over here, so how about we call it a day. I don't think we're going to get anywhere, anyway."

Quil nodded and stood up. "So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu!"

"Yeah, yeah.." I grabbed my note/doodle pad and headed out the door, shaking my head. I didn't like to believe that any case was hopeless, but Quil's came pretty damn close.

I had started rushing off down the hall, hoping to get to the cafeteria before they ran out of chicken wings, when I stepped on something. Or, should I say, someone?

"Saint! Watch your step, you must!"

"Oh, sorry, Master Yoda. May the force be with you."

"And with you. Dress like a Sith, I see you still do."

I shrugged. "It's a fashion statement."

"Come to tell you, I have," Yoda continued. "A visitor for you, in your office, there is."

"Thank you, Master Yoda." I said, giving him a short bow.

He returned the bow. "Welcome, you are." He turned to leave.

"Oh, Master Yoda?"

He turned. "Yes?"

"If you're going down to the cafeteria, could you tell Fang to bring me up some chicken fingers?"

He nodded and continued on his way.

I changed direction and made a beeline for my office, dodging some very angry Cornish Pixies on the way. I rolled my eyes. "Could somebody do something about the pixies?!"

Of course, no one answered me. It might have had something to do with the fact that the pixies were attacking them and hanging them on the light fixtures, but it was still annoying. Hello, I own the place, I pass out the paychecks at the end of the week, so I don't care if you're hanging from a chandelier by your tighty-whities, answer me!

Just can't get good help these days.

I made it to my office and pulled out the key to the door. As I went to stick the key in the keyhole, however, it was slapped away.

I am now, officially, annoyed.

I crossed my arms.

* * *

**Solla Sollew is not where I am.**

**For Key-Slapping Slippards, I don't give a damn!**

**So, little Slippard, I say So long!**

**Go back to Dr. Seuss stories, where you belong!**

* * *

Grumbling, the Key-Slapping Slippard crawled out of my keyhole and scurried down the hall. Really, was there any Fictional Character I _wasn't_ bothered by?

I got my door opened and walked in, going over to my desk and dropping my things down on the desk, right next to the stork.

....Wait, _the stork?_

"Ummm, Hello?"

"Hello, Saint. How are you today?"

A talking stork. I knew what that usually meant. "I'm fine, except for the fact that I mysteriously have a stork in my office."

The stork smiled. Don't ask how a stork can smile. "Well, yes, Saint, I do have a reason for being here..."

Oh, great. "Please don't tell me you're delivering a baby to one of my patients."

The stork shook his head.

"One of my employees?"

"No..."

I sighed. "It's Felicity and Cor, isn't it? I _told_ Felicity no to-"

The stork held up his wing, cutting me off. "No, Saint, according to my delivery schedule, this one goes to you directly."

I blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice.

"I....believe there's been a mistake."

The stork pulled out his schedule and checked. "No, this one's your's."

"Ummm....Mr.....Stork, sir. It _can't_ be mine."

"Why not?"

"Well, I believe you know what is....required to happen to.....'summon the stork'."

The stork pulled out his schedule again. "According to this the father is a.......Fang?"

I grabbed the schedule out of the stork's wing. "Oh....Oh, no."

The stork shrugged. "Well, Saint, these things happen when you're not careful.."

I shook my head. "No, that's not what I mean. Nothing _happened_. This is a joke from your higher-ups, isn't it?"

The stork shrugged again. "I just deliver them, ma'am."

"Alright, who made out this schedule, huh?"

"Eileithyia, Greek Goddess of Fertility, of course." the stork replied.

I rolled my eyes. "Of course." Eileithyia and I had this little 'Prank War' going on. Obviously, this was her idea of getting back at me for that last prank, which involved munchkins, tilapia, some embarrassing photos, and Zeus's last Wine Tasting Party.

"So, where shall I place the baby?" the stork asked.

"Back in your basket." I answered, walking over and sitting in my spinny chair. "I do not want a baby, I do not need a baby, I did nothing to get a baby, so I have no baby."

The stork shook his head. "Ah, no, Saint. That's not how it works. You take the baby from here. If you think there's been a mistake, you can make a complaint directly to my department. We're in the phonebook under 'childbearing'."

I gaped at him. "No way! The Stork Delivery System Hotline is slower than the DMV!"

The stork shrugged. "Your problem, not mine." He walked over and plopped a little baby into my arms. "Congratulations, it's a boy." He flew out the door.

Holding the baby with one arm, I reached over and grabbed my phone, pressing the button for my secretary.

"Yes, Buieruwen? I'm going to need a cradle, some baby formula, and a phonebook. Don't ask why."

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

Fang's POV

"I've got the chicken fingers you wanted." I said, trying to juggle to trays of food and open the office door at the same time.

"Shhh, Fang, I'm on the phone."

I sighed. "You're welcome." I said sarcastically, putting the food on the desk.

"WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

I jumped. "What the hell is that?!"

"Hold on." Saint said, covering the reciever of the phone. "That's Christian. There's formula next to the microwave over there. Feed him." She uncovered the phone. "As you can _hear_, we most definetely do have a baby here-........WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO SEND IN 'PROOF OF PURCHASE? I DIDN'T PURCHASE THE BABY!......And what extension do I have to dial _now_?"

As Saint continued her war against whoever was on the other line, I walked over to a cradle that had been set up in the corner of the room and saw a little, whimpering baby inside. What the heck is a baby doing in here? I reached over and pulled the baby out, trying to figure out what I was supposed to do, exactly.

Saint covered the reciever again. "Fang! That is _not_ how you hold a baby! _Support his head!_"

I quickly shifted the baby around so I was supporting it's head. I hope. "Saint? Why is there a baby in here? Are we finally babysitting your niece?"

She rolled her eyes. "That's a _boy_, Fang. Now, feed him. I'm on the phone." She went back to her conversation. "I can't keep a baby around here! I.........I DON'T WANT TO CALL BACK TOMORROW! You stay on this phone, you.........BITCH!" She slammed down the reciever.

"Wow, Saint, angry?" I asked, trying to figure out how to grab the bottle and still hold the baby at the same time. Luckily, Saint came over and grabbed the baby and the bottle all at once.

"Yes, Fang, I'm angry. You want to know why?"

I shrugged. "I probably don't have a choice, so go for it."

"See this baby?"

I nodded. "Yeah..."

"It's ours."

I stared. "What is this, Saint, a prank?"

"Yep."

"Well, it's not a very-"

"It's a prank on me."

Now, I'm confused. "On you?"

She shrugged. "It's a long story. Basically, the stork, as a prank from my _dear friend, _Eileithyia, delivered this little baby to us."

"Us?" I asked. "As in 'You and Me' us?"

She rolled her eyes. "_No_, Fang. As in the Kool-Aid man and the Burger King us."

I wasn't exactly in the mood for sarcasm. "Saint, what are we supposed to do with a baby??!!"

"Feed it, take care of it, makes sure it survives, get it through high school, kick him out at 18, then go broke sending him to college and attend his wedding."

"Saint, we're not even...well....a couple or whatever!"

She sighed. "Then I guess you're paying child support."

"What?!"

"Really, Fang, only a deadbeat dad leaves their child's mother without a way to support her baby."

I crossed my arms. "Saint, could you be serious for a moment?"

She glared. "No, Fang. Not one _second _of my day today has been serious, and I don't feel like I should try to make it serious now. I am stressed, I have a migraine, so GIVE ME A BREAK!"

"WAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

Saint gasped. "Oh, Christian, I'm sorry!" She started trying to rock him, or bounce him or something.

"Saint, did...Christian come with that name?"

She shook her head. "I got sick of calling him 'the baby'."

"I think you're getting attached to him."

She rolled her eyes again. "_Of course_ I am, Fang. I'm female, I'm homonal, and I'm a sucker for cute, cuddly babies." She held Christian out to me. "You should probably take him. Maybe you're immune."

I put my hands up. "Oh, no! I don't do babies!"

"Why not?"

"Simple. They cry, they smell funny, they're highly breakable..."

Saint shoved the baby into my arms. "At least put him down for a nap. I need to take a migraine med." She rushed out.

I looked down at my pseudo-son and sighed. "I am _so_ sorry. At least you're in a therapy center. At the rate you're going, you'll need it by the time you're seven."

The little guy smiled at me.

And promptly spit up on me.

"Correction. We'll _both_ need therapy."

* * *

Me: -whispering- We have to be quiet....Christian's sleeping....

Fang: Haven't you gotten through to the Stork Center place yet?

Me: They're on Holiday.

Fang: Damn...

Me: I know....

Fang: Uhhh....Saint? What if Max finds out?

Me: Sucks to be you, huh?

Fang: Rawr.

Me: -bites-

Fang: WHAT THE HECK?!

Me: Well, if we've got a kid, we might as well have more love bites!

Fang: WE'RE RETURNING THE BABY!

Christian: -wails-

Me: That was your fault. You yelled.

Fang: You bit me!

R&R? Trust me, it's better than listening to us fight.


	5. The Consequences of Actor Over Use

I suggest you enjoy this update, 'cause I don't know when you people'll be getting another one.

Tomorrow, I enter my personal Hell.

Fang: She's having her wisdom teeth out tomorrow.

Me: And I will probably cry.

Fang: And I have to be there to hold her hand and tell her she'll be ok....Basically, take another shot at my pride.

Me: You have no idea...

Fang: What?

Me: What?

Fang: What?

Me: What?

Fang: Stop it!

Me: Hey, when I'm on the pain meds, maybe I'll be, like, 'Fang, I love you _thhhiiiissss_ much!'

Fang: Spare me.

Me: You'll be begging for me to spare you.

Fang: What?

Me: What?

Fang: STOP IT!

* * *

Saint's POV

"This better be good, guys." I told Spiffy and Pooky. "I was just watching Anthony Bourdain in the Azores."

"Oh, don't worry, this is good." Spiffy said.

"You're gonna _love_ this." Pooky added.

* * *

Fang: Wait! HOLD ON! When I said, 'stop it', I didn't mean for you to cut to the story!

Me: Sorry, but we _do_ have to get to the story, you know.

Fang: It just sounds like you keep hinting at something....

Me: Yeah, I was thinking of letting you free.

Fang:....Really?

Me: Psh, no.

Fang: -glares-

Me: Can I go to the story _now?_

Fang: Fine....

* * *

Saint's POV

"This better be good, guys." I told Spiffy and Pooky. "I was just watching Anthony Bourdain in the Azores."

"Oh, don't worry, this is good." Spiffy said.

"You're gonna _love_ this." Pooky added.

We were back down in the High-Security Ward, heading for cell 136. Spiffy and Pooky had found my newest patient outside, wandering around and looking confused. They'd brought him straight to a cell and then ran to get me, pulling me out of my favorite Travel Channel show. Damnit.

At cell 136, Spiffy pulled the key out of his pocket and unlocked the cell door. The two stepped out of my way and I stepped in, laying eyes on my new patient.

I almost went into shock. "Cedric Diggory?"

The young man looked up at me, eyes wild. "Is _that_ my name? Is that who I _really _am?"

I stepped closer to the poor, confused guy. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I _thought_ my name was Cedric Diggory." He began. "But then, You-Know-Who killed me. Well, I _thought_ he did. But then, I woke up, and there was this blonde guy telling me I was a vampire!"

It couldn't be. Had my worst fears as a character therapist come true? "Is that all, Cedric?"

He shook his head vigorously. "No, no! There's more! Another day, I wake up and I'm told I'm an artist named Salvador Dali! And, and another day, I'm some guy named Art having an existential crisis or something! I'm just so confused!" He hugged my leg. Awkward. "Please, help!"

I patted him on the head. "I'll see what I can do, Cedric."

He looked up at me. "That _is_ my name, right?"

I shrugged. "It's what we'll use, at least. I think that's where you started out, though, so we'll use that."

"Ok..."

I smiled. "I'll have some of my people bring you some food." I extracted my leg from his grasp and walked out.

The minute I was outside the room, however, my smile faded. After telling Spiffy and Pooky to bring him some food, I stormed upstairs, pulling out my walkie-talkie. "Buieruwen, get me Catherine Hardwicke's number, _immedately!"_

* * *

I stormed into my office, nearly tripping on the baby carriage that someone had stupidly placed in front of the door. "Fang, move this!"

"Sorry, Saint." Fang said tiredly. He pushed the thing out of the way.

I took a moment from my enraged rush to pay some attention to him. "You ok?"

He collapsed onto his favorte perch, my bookcase. "I'm tired. Christian has kept me running around all day." He yawned. "I can barely think."

I made the poor guy a cup of coffee. "Where is Christian, anyway?"

Before Fang could say a word, Quil answered by coming in, rocking little Christian and singing 'The World' by Brad Paisley.

That werewolf had his uses.

I sat down at my desk and found that my secretary had already placed Ms. Hardwicke's number on my desk. I grabbed the phone and madly dialed the number, my enraged rush coming back to me like wildfire.

"Hello! You have reached Catherine Hardwicke's office."

Alright! Now to get something done!

"For English, press one. Para español, prensa dos. Suomen, paina kolme..."

I rolled my eyes. Here we go...I pressed one.

"For a list of Catherine Hardwicke's movies, press one. For a list of Catherine Hardwicke's books, press two. For a list of Catherine Hardwicke's websites, press three...."

Oh, God, what next? For Catherine Hardwicke's bathroom habits, press six?

Finally, we reached, "To speak with Catherine Hardwicke, press 9."

I nearly smashed my nine button in.

"Catherine Hardwicke is not able to speak with you directly."

Of course...

"If you would like to schedule a meeting with Catherine Hardwicke, press one."

Here we go again....

"If you would like Catherine Hardwicke's mailing address, press two.

Ever notice they say Hardwicke's name _a lot?_

"Two leave a voicemail for Catherine Hardwicke, press three."

Bingo. I stabbed the three button.

"Please leave your message after the tone. Beep!"

"Hardwicke! This is Saint, as in St. Fang of Boredom. You know, the petition girl? DON'T YOU DARE PRESS DELETE NOW! I have a bone to pick with you, not that I'm really in the mood to pick at anything with you, but you get the picture. I have a very confused Cedric Diggory here at the Therapy Center. At least, I _think_ he's Cedric Diggory. He has some major multiple personality disorder and you want to know why? Because his movie actor is getting freaking over used!! Now, I know it's not _all_ your fault Ms. Hardwicke, but I'm telling you, if he gets used in too many book-based movies, it's going to ruin the guy. I think you know what I'm getting to. You see why I put the petition up now? It's not just 'cause the guy's not right for the part. I mean, that's a pretty big part of it, but that's not the point. The point is, I have my patients to worry about, too here! Next thing you know, Bella Swan's gonna be claiming she's Maximum Ride and try to fly, like that girl doesn't have enough problems! So, please, have some sympathy for the characters you're trying to portray and get some new actors! Thank you, and may your house never be safe from tigers."

I slammed the reciever down. "Damn her!"

"That's the woman who thinks a blonde guy can play me, right?" Fang asked from the bookcase.

"That'd be her."

Fang held out his hand. "Give me the phone."

I was confused, but I handed the phone to him, anyway.

I watched him go through the whole 'press one, press two' thing 'till he finally got to Ms. Hardwicke's voicemail...

"Hi, this is Adam's Male Escort Service. I've been trying to get a hold of Robert Pattinson, but his phone seems to be out of service, so I hope you don't mind me calling his work number. I'd just like to let him know that his favorite stripper, Juan, refuses to jump out of a cake, but Jeff will do it for an extra 50 bucks. Also, Tito says if you want him in the Tarzan outfit, Robert's going to need to provide it, size 9. And Cameron has no problem providing a 'happy ending' in the massages, but it'll be an extra 5 bucks each. Thank you, and have a nice day."

He hung up.

I gaped at him. "I can't believe....You just...."

He grinned at me. "You're not the only one who can be cruel and unusual around here."

I laughed. "You know, all that's going to do, though, is get her a bit mad at Robert."

He shook his head. "Ah, but you forget, Saint, Ms. Hardwicke's secretary listens to the messages before her. So, who do you think the secretary's going to go to first? Catherine Hardwicke or People Magazine?"

I stood and bowed in respect of his genius. "You have an evil and conniving mind, Fang. I like that."

"Thank you, thank you." He said, pretending to speak to a crowd. "No photographs, please."

I rolled my eyes. "You're a ham."

He just grinned again and went back to attempting to nap.

I picked up the phone again, dialing.

"Hello, I'd like to order a subscription to People Magazine..."

* * *

Me: You have no idea how much fun that was to write...I love picking on people. Even if I like them, I love picking on them...

Fang: You're cruel.

Me: No, it's just good-natured fun. Nothing personal to Robert Pattinson, he just needs TO STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MAXMUM RIDE!!!

Fang: What about the Catherine Hardwicke thing? Was that personal?

Me: Slightly....

Fang: -rolls eyes-

Me: Anyway, let me just inform a bit on the wisdom teeth thing. I'm not sure how I'm going to be feeling after this. Some people bounce right back, others take longer. I know I have to kinda lay low for about two or three days, though. My guess is that I will most definetely not be posting anything tomorrow, if I'm even on at all. I could get on later if I'm bored and feeling up to it, but I won't do anything more than check e-mail and reviews. For the next couple of days after, we'll see. I would believe that I'll be up to being on here by then, but I don't know about updating. My fear is that I'm going to be on some pain meds, so I might be a bit loopy.

Fang: And this is different...how?

Me: -whacks Fang- Loopier than normal! Basically, I don't want to update something when I'm not all there, because it might come out a little...funny. And not 'writing Avian Bird Flu on cold meds' funny, but 'spelling things wrong and completely forgetting my entire plot' funny. Also, if you get any messages from me that make no sense-

Fang: As in, less sense than normal.

Me: -Than you now know I'm on meds and probably got on the computer in a drug-induced stupor and started randomly messaging people. Please, no...

Fang: -sighs- Don't worry, I'll stop you...

Me: No, you won't....

Fang: -rolls eyes- I don't know what you're hinting at, but it's annoying the crap out of me. -storms off-

Me: Ok, everyone, here's the deal. We took Fang to my dentist, because, well, the kid's never been to one. My dentist found out he needed his wisdon teeth out, too. Knowing he was going to throw a holy fit if we told him, we decided to....Not tell him. He'll come with me tomorrow, we'll get him in there under the whole idea that's he's there for my moral support, then, I don't know, I guess we'll shove him in a chair and tell him he's going under, too. My dentist and I figured once we got him in there, he wouldn't have a chance to run for it. I'm posting Pooky and Spiffy at the exits, anyway.

Fang's not the only one with an evil, conniving mind...

I feel kind of bad for the kid, anyway, though.

Oh, Hell, what about poor me??

R&R& Talk to you guys in a couple days! Hopefully, Fang'll have mellowed out enough by then not to kill me...

P.S.: Just remembered this...Check out Maximum Ride Fanfiction Awards: 2 by Myrah....


	6. Can't We Keep Him, Fang?

Must...Update....Therapy.....Fic!

Damn you, Writer's Block!

Fang: You know, I don't think trying to make a YouTube video at the same time is helping.

Me: Shut it.

Fang: Or, your hunger....Or mine.

Me: Yeah, I'll make grilled cheese or something...

Fang: You gonna try and update now?

Me: Yeah....Writer's Block, you will not win!

* * *

Saint's POV

"...So, as we've discussed, children need the support of _both_ their parents for a healthy childhood. And support is more than just giving them a little boost every time they pray for it. You guys could, like, I don't know, attend a football game or something."

"My daughters do _not_ play football." Aphrodite said, indignant.

I rolled my eyes. "It was hypothetical."

"Is this thing over yet?" Zeus muttered.

"You wouldn't _be_ here if you weren't running around all the time!" Hera snapped.

"You know, there still an open spot in my couple's therapy group." I suggested.

"You crazy, Saint?" Apollo asked me. "If they were there, there would be no support group!"

I shrugged. "One can try..."

"Well, if these young maidens would stop running after despicable _boys_," Artemis chimed in as she went by, "We wouldn't have this problem."

"Humans would also die out from under-population." I added. "And I bet the rape rate would go up, too...."

"You know, I'd be a part of my kid's life, but with this 'running around with Kronos' thing.." Hermes started.

I put up my hand. "I get it, Herm. Look, before I go, has anyone seen Eileithyia lately?"

They all shook their heads. "Still have that baby, huh, Saint?" Poseidon asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. Ok, can someone beam me back down to the center?"

* * *

With a little help from Hermes, I was back at the center just in time for Christian to burst into tears.

I went over to his cradle, picking him up. He was a cute little guy. Looked nothing like either Fang or I. He had red hair, for crying out loud! But, cute, nonetheless.

Looking at him, I suddenly thought back to the group I had just been in. Something occured to me...

Fang stepped in at that point, closing the door behind him to drown out Quil's singing of "You say goodbye, and I say hello! Hello! Hello!"

"You know, we should really get that wolf a muzzle or something." Fang muttered.

I looked up at him. "Hey, Fang?"

"What?"

"I was thinking...."

"Dear Lord, and we know how dangerous _that_ habit is..." Fang said.

"...You know, we're the only family Christian's got." I pointed out.

"Right now." Fang said. "I'm sure this Goddess-person will get Christian a whole new family that can actually take care of him. I know what you're thinking, Saint. Don't go there."

"Fang, look at him..."

"Yeah, Saint, I'm looking at him. He looks like a kid who needs a home."

"You know," I said. "He's attached to us. We give him up, he could end up with an attachment disorder or something."

"Give it up, Saint."

I was just opening my mouth to say something else, when Professor Snape swooped in. "Saint, I have the elixer you asked for. Is there anything else you need?"

I waved my hand. "No, Snape, thank you. Just leave it on my desk." I turned back to Fang. "Give me one good reason why it wouldn't work."

"Saint, I really wanted to show you a couple things." Snape said.

"Later, Professor, please." I told him.

"It wouldn't work because we're not parents." Fang said. "It's that simple. We're too young and don't know what we're doing."

"I took an Early Childhood class." I pointed out. "And you practically raised the younger Flock members."

"Saint, really..." Snape butt in again.

We ignored him. "Saint, it takes more than that." Fang said. "Really, let's send him back. Christian needs to parents who can raise him and love him and each other. Not a whacked-out fangirl and a kidnapped bird-kid who fight like cats and dogs."

"We fight like we're married."

"Yeah, well, we're not." Fang said. "And never will be, got it?"

"I do."

"I now pronounce you bird-kid and wife!" Snape snapped. (Snape snapped. Ha ha.) "Now, can we move on?!"

"Alright, Fang, at least take Christian for a walk." I said, putting Chris in his stroller and rolling him over to Fang. "Act like a dad for a while."

Fang just rolled his eyes and wheeled Christian out.

"Man troubles?" Snape asked.

"All men are trouble." I said. "Moving on, your problem?"

"I just wanted to show you some of my new products for you to use." Snape said, setting some things on the table. He'd been helping me by creating some helpful little potions and elixers to use on some of the patients. "I have a nerve-calming potion right here..."

"_I_ may need that." I muttered.

"Oh, this one's a beauty!" Snape said, holding up a bottle. "This one gives you a personality boost!"

"Remind me to spike Fang's drink with that." I said. "Moving on."

Snape grinned suddenly, holding up a tray of cupcakes. "And...There are these..."

I stared boredly. "Woo. Cupcakes. Scary. My bunny slippers just took cover."

"These aren't any cupcakes." Snape said. "These are spiked. With love potion."

I groaned. "Snape, really. What am I going to do with love potion?"

"Make people fall in love?" He suggested.

I rolled my eyes. "No, duh. It doesn't make real love, anyway. Just a kind of infatuation. I can't use this on my patients. It'll make a lot of their problems worse."

"Then, use it yourself!" Snape suggested. He reached forward and pulled out a strand of my hair.

"Ow!" I said, jumping back.

He put the tiny strand of hair on the top of the cupcake. "There." He said, placing the cupcake on top of the pile. "Have someone eat that, and all your man troubles will be over!"

I stood up, taking Snape by the arm and leading him to the door. "No, Professor, all my man troubles will have _just begun_." I shoved him out. "Good day, Professor."

Unfortunately, no sooner did I shut the door, my phone went off. I ran forward and grabbed the reciever. "Hello?"

"Saint, one of Catherine Hardwicke's agents is here to speak with you. She seems agitated."

"There in a minute!" I told me secretary, hanging up. "Curses. How many times do I have to tell them, I don't control People Magazine. If they want to publish that 'Rob and the male escort service' story, I can't do I thing."

I stormed out of my office, praying that nothing else in this day would go wrong.

* * *

Fang's POV

I wheeled Christian in as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake the little guy. I was glad to see Saint was out. With my luck, she might've thought of a new reason to rant to me about keeping Christian. I mean, really, did she seriously think we could raise the kid? In a therapy center? The girl was nuts.

"Maybe it's a female thing." I thought, putting Christian down in his bed. "Some kind of mothering instinct." I looked down at Christian, who was fast asleep, arms curled around a little stuffed animal toy Saint had given him. I believe it was a stuffed krill. The girl _really_ had issues.

You know, I could almost see why Saint wanted to keep the little bugger. He was a cutie. And a really sweet baby, too. Didn't cry to awfully much, was good natured, had a cute smile, too. I bet he'd grow up to be a cute kid, too. Probably break a lot of girls hearts. Maybe he'd be into sports or something. I could almost picture a red-headed teenage Christian tossing a football around or shooting hoops in the front yard...

I mentally slapped myself. Fang, what are you _thinking?! _Christian needed to go before _I_ got attached.

As I went to slip out, I noticed some cupcakes sitting on the table. I hadn't been able to get a bite to eat while I was out with Christian, and they looked good. There was a bunch of them, so I figured Saint wouldn't miss just one.

I grabbed the top one and snuck out.

* * *

Fang: You did not just....

Me: Gotta go write the next chapter now. My Writer's Block is over....

Fang: You didn't...

Me: Mwahahahahaha....

R&R? Cupcake?


	7. Love Sucks, Especially When It's Magical

Ya know, why bother with an A/N this time? I know you all wanna know what happens next....

* * *

Saint's POV

Ever heard the saying 'Be careful what you wish for?'

Well, here's a tip. Never wish that you and another guy could be wonderful parents for a cute little baby.

Why? Well, that guy might end up, say, eating a love potion-filled cupcake and become madly infatuated with you.

Now, I know some of you think this would probably be the most awesome thing ever, especially since it's Fang. And most of you are thinking it's the most hilarious thing ever, again, because it's Fang. Well, let me tell you, while it started out as hilarious and maybe slightly awesome, it sure wasn't about two hours into it.

"Well, if the good Professor is down there, tell him to _GET HIS ASS TO MY OFFICE!" _I screeched into the phone. I slammed the reciever down, exhasperated. I'd called every floor of the building, every section, every ward, every room possible. Professor Snape had, obviously, left the building.

Then, the door to my office opened and my newly-discovered worst nightmare walked in.

"I brought you the candy you wanted, Saint!" Fang said, plopping a box down on my desk.

Ok, I was about ready to slam my head on my desk. Where this kid had found chocolate-covered nargle-shaped, strawberry-mango candies, I will never know. I was sure I was going to stump him that time. After Fang spent about an hour driving me up a wall with his Saint-worship, I'd sent him on just about every task and errand I could possibly think of. I had him run papers to every part of the building. I had him pick papers up. Deliver mail. Pick up my dry cleaning. Clean rooms. Walk Christian. Play piano for Quil. After a while, I just had to start making stuff up. I told him to find things for me. When I found out things like 'a new jacket' or 'milk-flavored pocky' were to easy, I tried harder things. I sent him to find the Holy Grail. Found it. Pandora's Box. Found it. The meaning of life. Found it. (Well, he brought me the Dalai Lama. I figured that was close enough.)

I was just going to grab my phone and try another number, when something plopped down in front of me. I looked up to see Fang's face grinning at me through a dozen roses.

"I brought you flowers!" Fang said happily.

"Uh...huh." I waved my hand. "Just....Put them on the table with the others you brought me."

"The table's full."

"...Then put them on the floor." Really, my office was beginning to smell like a freaking florist shop.

I began dialing again, this time, somewhere outside the building. One of the few other places I could imagine Snape going.

"Hello! You have reached Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Muggle Telephone Service! If you are calling about enrollment, press one-"

Oh, Dear Lord, not again...

Suddenly, music blasted out of my CD player speakers, nearly knocking me out of my chair.

"WHAT THE-?!"

"I thought we could choose one to be our song!" Fang yelled over the music.

Dear God, just shoot me now....

"Fang, please! I'm on the phone!"

"Sorry!!" He turned the music down. "Who are you calling?"

"Hogwarts. I need to find Professor Snape."

He came over, putting his hands on the back of my chair and leaning over me. "I could find him for you."

"Fang, really, it's ok, I-" What was I saying? "Yeah, you think you could find him for me?"

His wings wrapped around me in a warm embrace. "For you, I'll find anything."

Saint, this is your brain speaking. Your crazy teenage female hormones just kicked into overdrive and shut down all brain activity. You need to get Fang away from you! I repeat, _get the bird-boy off of you!!_

I quickly pushed him back before I could pull anything stupid. And I'm sure you all can figure out what kind of stupid things I could pull in that situation. "Ok, Fang, go get him, boy."

He rushed out the door, rememberng to shut it quietly behind him, just like I always bug him to do.

I decided, at this low point, there was only one thing left to do. I folded my hands together and prayed. "Dear God, please, if you will just get me out of this, I will never wish for anything from any male again. Heck, at this point, I'm ready to join the convent, as long as he's not allowed in. Just, bring me the potions master, and put everything back right. I don't have much mind left to lose, and I'd kind of like to keep it for a while. Amen."

I hoped God wasn't in one of those 'let's mess with Saint' moods today. I don't think I could survive it.

* * *

About one restful Fangless hour later, my little stalking angel came in, dragging along a very disgruntled-looking Professor Snape, dressed in flannel pajamas.

Snape wrenched himself away from Fang and stalked over to my desk. "Is there a reason your little feather-brained assistant dragged me out of bed?"

"Yes, Professor, I have a prob-" I was interrupted by the sight of Fang, leaning over my desk and watching me. I quickly reached in my pocket and grabbed a couple bucks. "Here, Fang, go buy me and yourself some hot chocolate, 'kay?"

You didn't need to tell that lovestruck mutant twice. He was out the door in seconds.

"I have a problem." I continued. "And it just raced out the door."

"The love potion?" Snape asked.

"Duh."

"Hmmm..." He said, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe I made it a bit _too_ strong..."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't care how strong you made it, Severus, just fix it!"

He jumped when I used his first name. "Alright, Saint! This is going to take some time, you know. That was a very strong potion, I'm going to need time to make an antidote. Well, unless..."

"Unless what?"

"Unless you're willing to just...Wait it out. Actually, that may take less time."

"Wait it out?" I asked. "How long?"

He checked his watch. "It should only last for another 24 hours."

"24 hours..." I muttered. "I guess that's not _so_ bad..."

That's when my office doors burst open and Fang walked in, carrying my cup of hot cocoa on a _silver_ platter, followed by Quil, who was as usual, singing.

"_It must be love! It must be love! I fall like a sparrow, and fly like a dove!" _Quil sang. Damn him and his knack for finding fitting songs.

Then again, these could be the last 24 hours of my life.

* * *

Me: Ok, so Fang won't comment anymore. I don't know if I can blame him or not...

Well, just to fill up the A/N, any of you on YouTube?

If so, feel free to look me up! StFangofBoredom!

And if any of you have ever been curious about what my voice sounds like, going there may give you the chance to find out...

R&R? _Love is in the air....Oh why don't you just shoot me now?_


	8. Joeys, a Ficus, & An Anticlimactic Kiss

Me: You people better appreciate this chapter...

Fang: Saint got in trouble for writing it in class.

Me: Now my Professor wants to tear apart on of my essays to make sure I understand 'the importance and meaning behind the first sentence.' She's going to diagram the first sentence of one of my essays to show me what it 'really means' or 'how to change it to better show what I want to try to say'. How about 'let me write what I want!' Gosh, I think I've written enough to know 'the importance of the first sentence'.

Fang: Done ranting?

Me: For now.

Fang: You want to type up this embarrassing chapter now?

Me: Oh, yes....

Fang: -sigh-

* * *

Saint's POV

_"Can you feel the love tonight?"_

"Shut up, Quil." I called from my office. How I was supposed to do paperwork under these conditions, I had no clue.

Fang's little love potion curse had only gotton worse as the hours ticked by. I was beginning to wonder if I really should've trusted Snape. Maybe Fang had had a bad reaction to the potion. Maybe it was too powerful for him. I mean, I'd seen the guy get tipsy off of a couple freaking Tylenol! God knows what this love potion was doing to him...

Anyway, Fang had somehow sensed that I was unhappy. In a way, this was good because now I didn't have to send him off to do things. He'd started leaving on his own to find things to make me happy. The thing was, in his absence he'd ordered Quil to 'serenade' me so I wouldn't get bored.

Well, he'd succeeded. There was no way I was bored now. I'd been keeping myself entertained by thinking up different ways to banish Quil to the depths of Tartarus and what kind of tortures he could suffer through there.

I was about ready to call up Hades himself when my door was flung open and Fang came in carrying his.....Newest gift.

I gaped. "_What_ in the name of the Titans, Olympians, Tortallian Gods, the Valar, and St. Benedict is _that?!"_

"A kangaroo!" Fang said happily.

A kangaroo it was. A joey. I couldn't believe this kid. "What did you do? Fly to Australia and kidnap a baby kangaroo?"

"I flew to Australia, yeah, but the little guy was an orphan. I figured we could adopt him! I know you're all for adoption, Saint, darling."

Yep, Fang just called me 'darling'. Ain't that sweet? It was so sweet I thought I might ralph up my lunch...

"You're going to have to feed that thing." I grumbled, going back to my paperwork.

"Of course I will, my love!" My love? This is getting _so_ bad..."Now, what shall we name him? He's yours, so you should name him."

I shrugged. "Eh, call him Cupid." I figured I might as well name him something that had to do with the senseless love that brought him here.

"A beautiful name, my darling!" Fang exclaimed. I had a feeling I could've named the poor thing 'Fat Bastard' and he would've said the same thing. "I shall find food for little Cupid."

"You do that..." I muttered as he sped out the door toward the cafeteria.

I was about to move on in my paperwork when I heard a little cry come from Christian's side of the room. I sighed, setting my pen down and walked over to Christian's crib, lifting him up and trying to comfort him.

"Is Daddy scary?" I asked the poor little guy. "He's sure freaking Mommy out." I just started rambling anything out to the little guy in a soothing voice, hoping to calm him down. "Yep, Daddy has a new love in his life, Mommy. Well, it's about damn time, though it won't last, thank God. Daddy'll probably go back to loving Max. We know he sure won't go back to Iggy and Justin, the deadbeat. As long as he doesn't go back to Lissa or Brigid. Or if he doesn't start lusting after Shakira...Or Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders....I thought about all the people I'd listed off. "Christian, your Daddy is a man-whore."

Christian just smiled and cooed at me, kicking his feet. Either he found his Daddy being a man-whore funny, or he was hoping to grow up to be one himself. I hoped for the first one.

"Christian, if I have my way, you're growing up to become a Catholic priest."

* * *

You know, surprisingly, it's not often I get called out of my office to come stop my assistant from beating a dwarf to death with a plotted plant in the lobby.

But that's the exact call I'd gotten from my secretary not even an hour after Fang disappeared with Cupid the Kangaroo.

I raced downstairs to find the lobby of my center in complete chaos. People were backed against walls, pixies were flying all over, driads and naiads were trying to hide in the remaining potted plants and water fountains, and a lone dragon was trying to (unsuccessfully) hide behind a couch.

Typical lobby...

In the middle of it all, Fang was swinging a ficus plant at a very confused Gimli the Dwarf.

"Fang!"

Fang froze in his tracks, then spun around, ficus tree and all, almost beaning poor Gimli in the head with it. He beamed at me. "Saint, darling! I fed Cupid!"

He pointed with his Ficus of Mass Destruction toward a chair where the sleeping joey lay. I wondered what he'd fed to it. Gosh, I _hope_ it was sleeping....

"What in the name of Moria was this laddie trying to _do_ to me?" Gimli exclaimed, picking himself up off the floor.

"You insulted Saint!" Fang spat, spinning back around and raising up his deadly potted plant for another blow. "That is unnacceptable!"

I sighed. "Fang, what did the good dwarf say?"

"He called you crazy!" Fang exclaimed, sounding scandalized. How....un-Fangly...

I nearly laughed. Crazy? That was an insult? If it was, then there were a lot more people in this world that I should be pissed with...

"Fang, it's ok. Just stop whacking poor Gimli with the ficus."

"Of course! If you say so, my love!" he said, dropping the ficus. The pot smashed at his feet, but he didn't seem to notice, his eyes were so intent on me.

I sighed for the hundreth time that day. At least my body was getting a good oxygen supply out of this experience. "Now, go get Cupid and follow me."

As Fang ran to get Cupid, Gimli gave me the most bewildered look. I mouthed the words 'love potion' to him. He nodded knowingly.

"As you were, everyone." I said as I led Fang upstairs. The lobby slowly returned back to it's usual slightly chaotic state.

As we left, I made a mental note to remove all ficus plants from that area....

* * *

Back in my office upstairs, I found a doggy bed for (the miraculously still living) Cupid to curl up in, then I sat down next to Fang on the little couch. I had had it brought in to discourage the bird-boy from perching on my bookcase. It was time Fang and I had a little talk....

"Fang, I don't care what kind of spell you're under, this behavior is completely unnacceptable. You cannot beat my clients with potted decorative plants! It's rude, crude, and socially unnacceptable. I- Are you even listening?"

"Mmm-Hmm..." Fang said dreamily, gazing at me as if in a trance.

"Yoo-hoo? Earth to Fang, this is Houston speaking. Have you found life on Mars up there?"

Before I knew what the little Feathered Casanova was doing, his hand had reached up through the hood of my Cloak of Doom to move a strand of hair out of my face. His hand stopped to rest on my neck. Looking up into his eyes, I saw that same look I'd seen in my prom date, Josh's eyes right before his failed attempt to....

Kiss me.

Dear Lord in Heaven....

"Down, Fang. Down, boy." I said softly. I guess he thought 'down' meant for him to lean in closer. I leaned back. He leaned closer. I leaned back. He leaned closer. I leaned back. He leaned closer. I...

Fell back on the couch.

Good job, Saint! Way to put yourself in a compromising position!

Now he was leaning _over_ me. Much to close. Much, much to close....I could feel his body heat. His breath. His every movement on the couch. Gosh, I think I could hear his damn hormones screaming for more. Mine were screaming for mercy....

"Fang, I just want to let you know, you are about to do something you **will** regret. What you are doing will hurt your ego _much_ more than mine. Fang....You need to listen.....Please......I'll scream......"

God, our foreheads were touching. Not good, not good....I could hear alarms going off in my head. Now, if I could only make my damn legs work so I could kick him....

"I'll scream....." I threatened again. "Rape..." I squeaked. So much for screaming.

Obviously, he couldn't take my blabbing any longer. Because he used his own mouth to silence mine. Dear God....

Then, I heard an alarm go off.

Ok, let's pause this steamy little 'Faint' scene for just a sec. It's been one loooonnnngggg day, huh? A lot's happened since Fang ate that fateful little cupcake!

About 24 hours worth of a lot.

And when Snape told me I'd have to wait 24 hours, I'd set an alarm clock to go off at the exact 24 hour mark, just in case Fang wasn't around when it happened, so I'd know if I had to go get him.

That was the clock.

And it went off just as Fang had plastered his lips to mine?

Is this gonna be.....Interesting?

Hell yeah.

Ok, you can press 'play' again here....

Fang slowly pulled his face away from mine. We stared into each other's eyes for a minute. Fang's face went from dreamy, to bewildered, to 'wtf?' to.....

"HOLY CRAP!!!!" Fang yelled, springing off me like a jack rabbit on an electric fence. He found the nearest trash can and began gagging and spitting into the thing. "Oh, God...Yuck! Oh man...."

I wanted to say something snarky there, like, 'Gosh, am I really _that_ bad?' or 'I brushed my damn teeth this morning!' but, I couldn't.

I had fallen to the floor in hysterical laughter.

"Fang.......You........Oh........Love...........Me..........Potion...........Cupcake.......Kangaroo.........Ficus!!" Oh, I'm _sure_ he got what I meant through that....

He just stared at me in a look that spelled out horror and confusion mixed into one. "What?"

I eventually got ahold of myself and explained the entire situation. Fang was not as amused as I was, to say the least.

"Look, I realize everyone already knows about....about...._this potion incident_." Fang said. "But let's keep the....'couch incident' private. Got it?"

I grinned, trying to fix my rumpled cloak. "Of course, Fangles, _darling_...."

"I mean it, Saint!"

I put up my hands. "Alright, alright! Not a peep! I swear!"

"Good." Fang said, sitting back down on the couch in silence. He was probably trying to pull together what was left of his pride.

Finally, I couldn't stand the silence any longer, and I had just the comment to break it with. "Well, I know what Max sees in you now, at least."

He looked up. "What do you mean?"

"Well....You're one damn spiffy kisser."

"Saint..."

"Seriously. I think I saw stars."

"Shut it..."

"And fireworks. Definetely fireworks."

"Drop it, Saint."

"I have a feeling if you kiss me again, Fourth of July may come early..."

"Saint!!!!"

"Alright! Shutting up...."

* * *

Fang: You are the bane of my existence.

Me: Aww...Fangles...

Fang: I hate you like Flyboy breaking into church on Sunday!

Me: Love you too, _darling_...

Fang: Burn in the lowest depth of Tartarus!

Me: Burn like our love?

Fang: -headdesk- I still can't tie a noose, God damnit....

R&R? And please, seriously people, don't tell him how to tie a noose this time.....


	9. A Very Therapeutic Christmas

Me: -singing- _Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! Jingle all the way!_

Fang: Saint, please! Spare me...

Me: What, Fang, not in the Christmas spirit yet?

Fang: I've decided to convert. I'm Jewish now. I celebrate Hannukah.

Me: Fine! I'll sing the Dreidel song!

Fang: Scratch that, I'm celebrating Kwanzaa.

Me: I'm sure I can find a song for that...-goes on YouTube-

Fang: You know what? I'm just gonna be an atheist this year...

Me: Fang! What would Mum say?!

Fang: Grrr...Fine...

Me: _Oh Christmas Tree! Oh Christmas Tree!_

Fang: How about you tell them your evil holiday plans?

Me: Oh, yes! I've decided that I should try and do some Christmas-themed stuff for December. You know, 'cause I can. I've got some Christmas-themed chapter ideas for some of my fics, not to mention a Christmas Song poll up that I would highly suggest voting on.

Fang: I might even have a Christmas Present lined up for people...

Me: Since when?

Fang: Since I can. And it's a surprise, so don't ask.

Me: Ok....You scare me when you say stuff like that...

Fang: How about you just write the chapter?

Me: -glares suspiciously- Fine...

**A Special Thanks To:** Fangalicous08's (AKA: Skittles) Iggy, for the wonderful, unofficial visit we had. And I'd like to apologize for shoving him through a magical portal back to Skit's house, but frankly, as a fellow kidnapper, I couldn't let him just walk away. Nice try though, Ig. And nice job making Fang paranoid, too....

Also to Vera Amber's minkles, for the albino minkle fur.

* * *

Saint's POV

_"We wish you a Merry Christmas! We wish you a Merry Christmas! We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!"_

"Why the Hell is Quil singing Christmas music?" Fang asked me from where he stood, playing with Christian who was in his playpen in the corner.

"Fang, don't you _ever_ look at calenders?" I asked him as I organized papers on my desk. It's December! The Christmas Season! I asked Quil to sing those kinds of songs, for crying out loud!"

"You _asked_ him to sing those annoying songs?!" Fang asked. "Are you crazy? Wait, don't answer that." He added as I opened my mouth to answer him. "Saint, I thought you were supposed to cure him of his singing problem, not encourage him."

I shrugged. "Quil's a lost cause, anyway. Might as well get some use out of him."

"And what use is this?" Fang asked, plugging his ears for a second when Quil hit a bad high note. Someone _really_ needed to inform that wolf-boy that he was _so_ not a soprano...

"To get everyone in the Christmas Spirit!" I exclaimed. "Duh!" I bent down to reach for something under my desk. "Fang, what do you think I was doing in the storage attic of the center today?"

Fang shrugged. "Hiding the dead bodies for the Mafia again?"

I shook my head vigorously. "No, no, I stopped doing that for them a while ago. It made _such_ a stink..."

Fang's eyes widened. "Saint, I was kidding...Nevermind. Alright, what were you doing in the storage attic, since I'm sure you're going to tell me anyway."

I lifted a large box out from under my desk. It was an old cardboard box, brimming to the top with various Christmas decorations. "I was getting some of my Christmas decorations out! This is just the stuff for my desk and office. Just wait 'till the OCs and I start decorating the entire center!"

Fang gave me a look. "You know, I think I'll spend this month hanging out in the Labyrinth."

I shrugged. "Fine by me, but you'll need to go to the attic and get the longest string of Christmas lights. I'm sure Jareth could use the help. Every year, he tries to see how much of the place he can decorate before Christmas. He has a record to beat, you know."

Fang groaned. "Nevermind! I'll just...Well, go anywhere where your little Christmas insanity can't find me."

I looked up at him, shocked. "Fang, don't you have any Christmas Spirit?!"

"Bah, humbug." He said jokingly.

"Well, fine." I said, starting to take things out of the box to start decorating. "Be a stick in the mud. In the meantime, the rest of us will enjoy the fruits of the holiday. Just, do me a favor and don't ruin Christmas for Christian. It is his first Christmas, after all."

"He's not gonna remember it, you know." Fang pointed out.

"I don't care if he does or not!" I told him, wrapping a garland around a lamp. "We are going all-out for his first Christmas and that's final!" I pointed at him. "And you better not screw it up!"

Fang rolled his eyes. "Alright, Miss Susie Lou Who, whatever you say. In the meantime, I'm going to go down to the cafeteria and cherish what little time I can get away from you."

"Fine." I snapped, placing a miniature tree on my desk.

"Fine!" Fang snapped back, walking out and slamming the door behind him.

The door opened back up a couple seconds later. "You know, I think you guys should consider marriage counseling.

"Can't, Ig." I told Iggy as I decorated my mini-tree. "We're not really married."

"Yeah, but you fight like it." He pointed out, walking into the room farther. "That's gotta count for something."

I nodded. "True, true. Now, why are you here? And which Iggy are you, anyway? Skittles', M.G.'s, or Bell's?"

He grinned. "I'll give you a clue." He started singing. _"All I want for Christmas is two in a Snuggie!"_

I rolled my eyes. "Skittles'."

He nodded. "You betcha'!"

"Ok, well, what are you doing here, then?"

"I heard you were getting ready for Christmas, so..." He explained. "I wanted to come and help out a bit. Plus, Skittles and I wanted to work out who was going to get Justin over the holidays."

I nodded, digging through my Christmas decoration box again. Where the Hell was the fake snow? "I think we can let Justin pick where he wants to go. I'm sure he'll be happy with either of us. We could always each have him half the day, too."

"Sounds ok to me." Iggy said. "Now, does Fang have a stocking to hang by the chimney yet?"

I shrugged. "Probably not yet, but I'll get him one, that's for sure."

Iggy reached in his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, holding it out towards me. I walked over to take it as he said, "This is for his stocking. From me, to darling Fangles."

I took one look at the paper and raised an eyebrow. "Iggy, this is a letter stating Fang has to appear in court for a child support hearing."

"Yep." Iggy replied, grinning. "We'll definetely get the money out of him this time."

"Iggy, you're supposed to put nice things in Christmas stockings."

He shrugged. "It's nice for me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go hang up some Christmas decorations of my own..." He walked out of the room.

I just shook my head, smiling when I finally found the bag of fake snow. I'd have to send him back to Skittles later...

* * *

Fang's POV

Well, now I have a whole new reason to stop eating in the cafeteria. Well, besides all the jokes they make now about how I 'better stay away from those cupcakes', that is...

Saint's overdramatic Christmas Spirit has infested that place as well.

Specials Today: Egg Nog Shakes, Gingerbread Hobbits, Peppermint Stick Ice Cream, Mrs. Claus's Famous Cookies, Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire, and Dancing Sugardrops.

I made my way back up to Saint's office, still hungry because I hadn't wanted to try to force the Christmas Spirit down my throat. I mean, I didn't hate Christmas or anything, but why did she have to turn it into such a huge event?

"Hey, Fang."

I nearly jumped, not realizing anyone was near me. I turned around to the source of the voice. "Oh, Iggy. Hey."

"Hey." He said back, grinning in my direction.

"How'd you know it was me walking by, anyway?" I asked him.

He shrugged, still grinning. "I can recognize the way you walk, sometimes. Or your breathing..."

Ah, creepy Iggy. "Shouldn't you be with Skittles right now?"

"I...Took a short vacation to come see my favorite Flock member."

"Well, Gazzy's not here." I said, turning to leave.

Suddenly, Iggy reached out, somehow grabbing my arm and spinning me around, dragging me closer. "No, Fang. _You're_ my favorite Flock member."

"You know, you shouldn't play favorites." I said, struggling to get myself loose from his tight grip. "What are you doing, anyway?"

Iggy just grinned at me once again and pointed up.

I followed where he had pointed and saw that someone had taped sor weird, green plant to the ceiling. Ok...

"You ever hear of mistletoe, Fang?" Iggy asked me.

It dawned on me just what that little plant was.

"Oh, crap."

* * *

"Don't even talk to me." I said as I stormed into Saint's office. I flopped into one of the chairs, having to throw a Santa-shaped pillow out of it first.

"What now, Fang?" Saint asked me.

"Well," I started to say, looking up at her. Then I froze. "Saint...What....Uh....Where's the Cloak of Doom?"

"Oh, I switched it for this more festive one." She said, twirling to show off her new red cloak with white fur on the ends of the sleeves and on the hood. "It's nice and warm, and the fur is from albino minkles. The minkles weren't killed, off course. They shed it."

"Albino minkles?" I asked. "Those ferret creatures of Vera's come in albino?"

Saint just shrugged. "Obviously. Anyway, what's your issue?"

All my anger came rushing back to me. "Well, Saint, thanks to your little 'Christmas Spirit', I just narrowly escaped being raped by a hormonal Iggy in the hallway!"

Saint shrugged again, sitting down at her desk, which now had a miniature winter town on it, complete with snow. "Fang, when you mess around with people like that and have children with them, they don't tend to go away."

I rolled my eyes. "For the last time, Justin _isn't _mine!"

"Look, Fang, can we deal with this later?" Saint asked me. "I have a very important client coming in soon."

"An important client?" I asked. "Who the Hell is so important that my potential molestation has to wait?"

Suddenly, the office door swung open, the wind gusting snow into the room. Wait...Wind? Snow? Indoors?

Then, the client stepped in. He was wearing huge, black boots, an XX-large red jacket, and looked like he hadn't shaved in a while. As soon as he saw Saint, he let out a laugh, his belly jiggling like jello.

"St. Fang of Boredom, it's good to see you again." He said.

"And you, too, St. Nick." She replied. "Always a pleasure to work with another Saint."

St. Nick.

Santa Claus.

Why me?

* * *

Me: You know, I was just gonna have this be one chapter, but I guess I'll be writing two...

Fang: Joyous...

Me: _Joy to the World!_

Fang: -headdesk-

R&R?


	10. Rudolph the Emo Reindeer!

A Very Therapeutic Christmas, Part Two!

Fang: Except, we're not calling it that...

Me: -shrugs- Another one of those days where I'm writing the A/N before the actual chapter...Anyway, I'm talking to Josh on Facebook right now!

Fang: Gah...

Me: You got a problem?

Fang: Only that you're meeting him at 8 a.m. on Sunday...That's early.

Me: You don't have to come.

Fang: Yes, I do! You can't walk there by yourself!

Me: I'll bring Amanda.

Fang: No, you won't. She has to work. I'm coming.

Me: Aww...You're so protective, Fangles!

Fang: -headdesk- No matter what I do, it gets turned against me...

* * *

Fang's POV

"So," Saint said, folding her hands together as she sat across from the jolly old elf at her desk. "Rudolph is...Having some emotional issues?"

"You can say that again." Santa said. "He's become anti-social. He won't even work with the other reindeer, which is a big problem, as I'm sure you can imagine."

"I can." Saint replied, nodding. Suddenly, her eyes shot over to me and she scowled slightly. "Fang, could you please stop gaping at my client?"

I closed my mouth, which I hadn't realized was wide open. I mean, how was I supposed to _not_ gape?! Santa Claus had just walked in! I was half expecting the tooth fairy to fly in next to complain about how the Easter Bunny's candy was rotting out teeth faster than she could collect them.

"Well, Rudolph is out in the lobby." Santa said, standing up. "I need to get back to the workshop and check that list one last time, so I'll leave him in your capable hands."

"And by the time you get back, Rudolph will be good to go." Saint assured him, standing as well and shaking his hand.

"It's good to have you around, Saint." Santa told her. "How will I repay you?"

"Oh, Santa, you repay me and the rest of the world once a year with the Spirit of Giving." Santa replied, smiling warmly. Then, her voice dropped to a whisper. "Though, my digital camera did break, just so you know."

Santa winked at her. "Got it." Then, the big guy turned to me and grabbed my hand to shake it. "It was wonderful to see you, too, Fang. Since your Saint's assistant, I guess I have to thank you as well!"

I spilled out the first thought that sprang into my head. "You know, I need a new laptop!"

Saint literally facepalmed from where she stood at her desk. "Fang!"

Santa just waved her off and laughed. "Ho ho ho!" Who knew, the guy really _does_ laugh like he's calling for three New York hookers. "It's alright, Saint. It's my job to know what everyone wants!" He patted me on the shoulder. "Well, I'm off!" With that, he put a finger to his nose, nodded his head, and disappeared in a wisp of snow.

"He sure knows how to make an exit..." I muttered.

"And you sure know how to go from playing Scrouge to playing Tiny Tim." Saint said back. "Telling him what you want for Christmas..."

"What? If he's actually here, than I might as well take advantage of it, right?" I said. "Heck, I never thought he existed."

"Oh, Fang." Saint said, walking over to me. "You must have believed in Santa at some point!"

I shook my head. "Kids growing up in a lab don't have much of a belief in anything magical and happy."

Saint's face fell. "Aw, Fang! Well, that's just not fair! Every kid should have a chance to believe in Santa and all that good Christmas stuff!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Saint, what if they're Jewish, or Jehovah's Witnesses or something?"

She crossed her arms. "You know what I mean...Anyway, obviously, I'm going to have to make Christmas special for you as well as Christian."

I shook my head. "Oh, no, Saint, really. I'll be fine."

"Don't try to stop me, Fang." Saint said, ignoring my protests. "I'll have you rockin' around the Christmas tree before you know it. Now, come on, let's go see Rudolph."

* * *

When Saint and I went to meet Rudolph, we were expecting things to be bad, but not _this_ bad...

"Dear Diary." The reindeer narrated, writing in a book, holding the pen with his hoof. Who knew reindeer could do that? "Mood: Apathetic. My life is spiralling downward. The big guy left me off at some therapy center. He's thought that I need help ever since Mrs. Claus caught me kissing another reindeer guy. Come on, it's the 2000s! Can't 2...or 4 guys make out without being gay?"

"Rudolph?" Saint asked, walking up to him. "Hi, I'm Saint."

"I go by 'Rudy' now." Rudolph said, not looking up from his diary.

"Well, Rudy, it seems that you're here with me to...Get some help."

"I don't need any help." Rudolph said. "I'm fine. It's the old man who needs the help. He doesn't understand me. No one does."

"Well, I'd like to try to." Saint said encouragingly.

Rudolph rolled his eyes. "_Sure..._ I don't think a girl like you will be able to understand me."

"And why not?" Saint asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Look at you!" Rudolph said, waving a hoof at her. "You're happy, cheery, colorful, bright, smart. You're so anti-me, it's not funny. You probably got your therapy degree specializing in bringing 'joy to the world' and all that crap."

"If she had gotten a degree at all..." I muttered.

Saint kicked me and continued speaking with Rudolph. "Uhh...Why don't you talk to Fang?" She said, grabbing me by the arm and pushing me forward slightly. "He got his degree in the art of brooding and sulking!"

I pushed her away, massaging my arm where she had practically tried to squeeze it off.

Rudolph just shrugged. "Look, either way, I don't want help. So, could you leave me alone? I want to listen to my ipod." With that, he pulled out a black ipod and within seconds, he had My Chemical Romance blaring out of its headphones.

Saint dragged me by my sleeve over to a corner. "I just don't get it." She stated.

I shrugged. "Yeah, me neither. I thought his nose was supposed to be red."

Saint whacked me on the back of the head. "I'm not talking about his nose, you idiot!"

"Well, aren't I right? Isn't it supposed to be red?"

She sighed. "In case you hadn't noticed, Fang, the reindeer is wearing all black make-up. He probably covered up his nose with the stuff. Anyway, this is obviously worse than I thought. I was expecting a reindeer with some little social problems, not a stereotypical emo kid!"

"We'll have to remember to keep him away from sharp objects..." I pointed out.

She rolled her eyes, but ignored my comment. "Why don't you try talking to him, Fang? He'd probably be able to connect with you."

I glared at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She looked me up and down once. "Fang, hun, have you _looked_ in a mirror lately?"

"What?" I asked, trying to look at my clothing. "What about me? It's not like _I'm_ wearing eyeliner or anything."

Saint muttered something at that point that sounded a bit like "Might as well be."

"What was that, Saint?"

She shook her head. "Nevermind. Fine. I'll deal with him You just...Continue to be one of the 12 pains of Christmas and not help..."

"Sounds like a plan to me." I said, shrugging and turning around. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go down to the cafeteria and see if I can find something that does remind me of a winter wonderland to eat..."

* * *

I came back later in the day, full after finally letting myself be subjected to Christmas cookies and candies, not to mention the eggnog. I was only allowed to try a shotglass of that, being told that Saint had forbidden that I be given any more. It was probably a good thing. I don't know what they did to the eggnog down there in the kitchens, but I'd spent a couple hours after having a sip of it feeling like I was flying when I wasn't. And the clouds were so pretty and swirly....

But anyway, the eggnog high finally wore off and I made my way back up to Saint's office.

Just in time to watch her storm out.

"Hey! Where are you going?" I called after her.

"I need air!" She called back. "Maybe some aspirin. Possibly some kind of depressant-type drug."

"Try the eggnog downstairs!" I called after her as she disappeared down the hall and around the corner. Obviously, things with 'Rudy' just weren't going that well...

I went into her office, thinking to go get Christian and take him for a walk, but he was nowhere to be found. Probably out with Quil or his 'brother' Justin again. Instead, Broody Rudy was there, painting his hooves black. (A completely and utterly useless thing to do, by the way, as they already _were_ black, but the guy was in a therapy center for a reason, I suppose...)

"Yo." I said to him, figuring it'd be rude to just walk right back out again.

"Yo." He replied, not looking up from his painting work.

I just stood there in the awkward silence for a couple minutes. I didn't really know _what_ to do. I didn't have anywhere to go, but I didn't really want to watch a dysfunctional reindeer paint his hooves, either....

Finally, I just couldn't stand the awkward silence any longer. (Surprising, for a guy like me, who usually thrives on silence, but whatever.) "Hey, Rudolph- Errr...Rudy?"

His eyes slowly moved to look at me. "Yeah?"

"You, uh, realize your hooves are already black, right?"

He nodded, looking back at his hooves. "Yeah, but painting them black again symbolizes the utter blackness that toils and rages inside of me."

Ok.... "Really..." I was beginning to think this reindeer's real problem was drugs...

Suddenly, he sighed, dropping his nail polish. Oh, that was gonna stain the rug. Not cool. "No, not really. It just kinda sounded cool to say it, ya know?" He asked, looking back up at me.

I shrugged. "I guess...Kinda..."

"Oh, this whole 'emo' thing is actually kind of a drag." Rudolph complained.

"Then why are you, well, acting like an 'emo'?" I asked. "I mean, if it's a drag, you think you'd just act, well, like something else, something you like."

"But then Tinsel wouldn't like me..."

Ok, time for confusion... "Tinsel?"

"She's a female reindeer and she's absolutely...she positively.....she's so..." he sighed. "Ya know?"

"I think I know what you're trying to say." I replied. So, he's Rudolph the Love-Struck Reindeer...Been there, done that.

"But Tinsel, she's into some, well, different stuff." He explained. "She likes MCR, Good Charlotte, a little bit of Fall Out Boy. She likes to write depressing poetry. She even think two guy reindeer, like, kissing, is hot or something." He made a face. "Trust me, _I _didn't think it was so hot..."

I made a disgusted face of my own. "I can imagine..." I thought of Iggy and his damned mistletoe and had to hold back a gag.

"But I really like her, so I figured doing all this, this 'emo' stuff would help me get her attention, but so far, she just...Doesn't seem to even think I exist..." Rudolph's face fell, his ears drooping sadly.

"Well, I think I might be able to help you." I told him.

He perked up slightly. "Really? How? Oh, and if it involves getting piercings, I'm really afraid of needles, so-"

I put my hands up. "No, no, nothing like that..."

"Then what?" He asked.

"I say, you start acting like yourself."

He looked confused this time. "What?"

"Just be yourself." I explained. "Maybe if you start acting like the real you, and stop being this fake emo kid, she'll start to like you. I think you'll definetely like yourself better, at least."

"But what about if she still doesn't like me?" He asked. "Then what do I do?"

"Then...Maybe it's time you...Move on."

"What do you mean?" Rudolph asked me.

"Move on! You know." I explained. "Find a different girl! A girl who likes you for the real you, not some girl who only likes a fake you that you made up to impress her."

"Maybe you're right..." Rudolph said thoughtfully.

"Of course I'm right!" I said. "Now come on, let's get you out of this outfit your in and get you to start looking like a real lead reindeer."

* * *

By the end of the day, I had Rudolph calling himself by his full name again, out of his 'emo' look, his nose red and shiny again, and his diary burned at a steak. (No, not 'stake'. Steak. I got hungry.)

When Saint finally made her way back upstairs, she went into shock at the sight of us.

"Rudolph....Fang......But I....You.....And the.....No more.....Huh?" She stuttered out.

"Saint," I said. "My friends Rudolph needs a box of chocolates, a dark red rose, and two tickets to the next MCR concert. Can you do that?"

She just nodded, eyes still wide. Then, she looked down at her cup of eggnog, shook her head, and dumped it in a nearby plant. "Sure, whatever you need..." She turned slowly and left.

By the time the big guy came to pick him up, Rudolph was a reformed reindeer.

"Thank you again, both of you." Santa said, shaking both of our hands.

"No, it was really all Fang." Saint explained. "He's our local Reindeer Whisperer."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't listen to her. And it was nothing, really."

"Ho ho ho!" Santa laughed. "It was most definetely not nothing! You two might as well have saved Christmas!" He smiled warmly. "You can bet there will be something special for each of you under your tree this year." He said, winking.

"Awesomene, Santa." Saint said.

We watched as Santa drove his team out of sight, Rudolph happily taking up the lead.

"You did good today, Fang." Saint told me. "You proved yourself worthy to be my assistant yet again, you helped out an unhappy reindeer, and you got me to swear off eggnog for the rest of my life."

"All in a day's work." I said, turning and going back inside.

Unfortunately, I didn't make it far down the hall before Saint grabbed me by the arm, stopping me. "Fang, I'd like to find some way to thank you, a special Christmas way."

"Oh yeah?" I asked. "How?"

She grinned mischiviously, then pointed up. "Look what I borrowed from Iggy..."

My eyes slowly travelled upward, catching sight of a familiar looking plant...

"Oh, no..."

* * *

Fang: -is burning mistletoe over an open fire-

Saint: Christmas Party Pooper...

Fang: I hate this plant...

Saint: -sighs- Well, anyway, yay! I finally finished the chapter! I can post all this stuff now!

Fang: And Vera will have one less thing to bug you to update!

Saint: Amen to that! :D So, let's post this thing!

R&R?

Question: Can you count how many times in the last two chapters I used the name of a Christmas song in a sentence? I know I did it a couple times, without even trying...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

HAPPY HANUKKAH!

HAPPY KWANZAA!

HAPPY YULE!

HAPPY...WHATEVER OTHER HOLIDAYS THERE ARE THIS TIME OF YEAR!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!


	11. Flawed Perfection, Thy Name is 'Enoby'

Me: Well, here we are, starting at the alphabetical top again with A Day in Therapy!

Fang: And in a new home, at that.

Me: Details in my Poetry Corner and in Fang's Journal. If we took the time to tell everyone in every single A/N, we'd get sick of talking about it.

Fang: And Saint would complain.

Me: Oh, shut it. Anyway, big plans going on!

Fang: That's scary...

Me: Is not!

Fang: For you...

Me: Oh, let's just write the damn chapter...

**Disclaimer: **Thank you, Tara Gilesbie. Don't know her? Google her.

**Note: **Many of the 'Mary Sues' in this story are made up by yours truly. Any resemblence to any actual FF character is purely coincidental, unless otherwise stated. And dear God, if your character resembles any of these, _please_ do some editting to your story! (Unless it's a parody, of course. :D)

**None Made-Up Mary Sues, So, Therefore, Not Owned: **Bella from Twilight and 'Enoby', who is owned by Tara.

* * *

Saint's POV

As a highly trained (kinda) professional in the Art of Fictional Character Rehabilitation, no character, no matter how physically or mentally damaged, should be turned away or scrutinized. I must treat every character with the same, equal respect.

But there is one group of patients that makes a shiver run down even the toughest of spines.

The Mary Sues.

They and their male counterparts, Gary Stus, are undeniable perfect. Omnipotent. Omnipresent. OmniAnnoying. They are the Stepford Wives of fiction. They are so unbelievable, they make you picture doing terrible things to the body parts of the author that created them.

They are, unfortunately, part of my job description.

"Alright, so what have we learned in group today? Daisy, let's start with you." I said.

She cleared her throat. "It's actually Daisy May Fieldflower Daffodil." She corrected.

I rolled my eyes from beneath the hood of the Cloak of Doom. "Yes, but I don't have enough hours in the day for such a mouthful. Anyway, what did we learn?"

"That it is ok to be bad at something?" She guessed.

"Correct." I answered. "So, can you name something you're bad at?"

She nodded vigorously. "Oh, yes! I'm terrible at being mean to someone! Of course, that's not a bad thing to be bad at! I guess you're right, Miss Saint, it's ok to be bad at something!"

I facepalmed. "And thank you, Daisy, for giving me an idea for our next lesson. "Anyone else?

"That you don't _always_ have to be the toughest fighter?" guessed another patient, Stormwalker Earthshake.

I nodded. "Another good lesson."

He nodded in response. "Yes, I know that I can't _always_ be the best fighter! My teacher is the best fighter right now! But he says, someday, I will be even greater than him!"

I sighed. "Sure you will....Another lesson?"

"Edward will save me!!"

I had to stop myself from whacking the girl with my clipboard. "For the final time, Bella, no he's not. Please, calm down."

"Edward! Come rescue me! I'll die without you!"

"We only wish..." I muttered.

"Oh, Bella, dear, he will come!" Princess Saphire Rosepetal WaterLily Crimson Tinsel said comforting. Seriously, where were these authors _getting_ these names?! _"For love, is a beautiful thing-"_

This time, I smacked my clipboard down on the table. "Break into song one more time..." I warned.

Luckily, Fang opened the door at that moment, saving me from being forced to commit a most bloody and heinous murder. "Saint, we need you upstairs."

I nodded. "Alright, I'll meet with you all again in a couple days. Adios." I rushed out the door behind Fang. "Thanks for saving me from that Hell."

He shrugged. "No problem. It's so weird, though..."

"What?" I asked.

"Is it just me, or are we getting an extreme overabundance of Mary Sues and Gary Stus lately?" Fang asked.

I sighed. "Unfortunately, it's not just you. They're cropping up everywhere."

"I wonder what's causing the population increase?" Fang mused.

I shrugged. "My guess: Something's killing off the Fanfiction Writer's braincells. But what?"

* * *

We finally got upstairs and I headed to my office, wondering what new evil would be thrown my way.

_"Tell me I'm a bad man, kick me like a stray..."_

"I will if you don't stop singing, Quil!" I called after him as I entered my office. The kid was on an MCR kick lately. It was starting to get annoying.

Sitting in front of my desk was a girl who I supposed was my next patient/project. She was kind of gothic-looking with long, black hair with purple streaks and red tips that reached down her back, along with icy blue eyes that reminded me of tears. She had straight, white teeth and pale skin, and looked like she had just stepped out of a Hot Topic ad, wearing a black corset, black leather mini skirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. She also had black lipstick, black eyeliner, and white foundation.

I shook my head. Now, what had possessed me to describe all of that?

I walked over and sat down at my desk, eyeing the girl warily. "Hello. My name's Saint. What's yours?"

She looked up at me darkly and smiled sexily. Yes, _sexily_. Why? I have no clue.

"My names Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. But I'm nolt related to Gerard Way at all, though I wish I was."

I just stared at her. For some reason, that name sounded familiar...

"And, where are you from?" I asked her.

"England." She answered. "I go to Hogwarts."

I nodded. "Yes, but I mean what fic?"

"Oh." She answered. "I'm from My Immortal."

* * *

"I want her out."

"Saint, you're supposed to help _all_ fictional character, no matter their circumstances." Spiffy reminded me.

"But _her?!_" I exclaimed. "She's the cause of most of my problems! Her fic dropped the collective IQ of thousands of writers! She is the Queen- No, the _Goddess_ of all Mary Sues!"

"Who is she, exactly?" Fang asked, confused.

"She's the main character of the worst fanfic of all time, _My Immortal."_ Pooky explained.

"It was one of those, 'so bad it was funny' kind of deals." I added. "But the girl's hopeless!" I went on. "I can't cure that much epic fail! We just need to get rid of her before she infects the rest of the center with this brain cell-killing disease!"

"Shouldn't we at least _try_ to help her?" Spiffy suggested.

"The best help we can give her is to stick her back where she belongs." I stated, getting up and motioning for the others to follow. "Now, come on, let's go."

The others followed me out of the conference room, but we didn't go too far before we realized something was up, and it wasn't something good.

The whole center seemed to be in an uproar. People were running, yelling and screaming stuff about 'preps' and 'posers'. Some people seemed to have even taken on Ebony's fashion sense with the freaky, 'Hot Topic Gone Bad' look going. Lord Voldemort was even flying around above them yelling "I HATH TELEKIESIS!!" at the top of his lungs, and was probably the one causing the uproar.

And, in the middle of it stood Ebony/Enoby/Eboby Dark'ness Demetia Raven Way, crying and screaming at Voldemort that she would not 'pop a cap' in Vampire's ass.

The four of us stood in shock at the scene before us, still trying to process the horror within our own walls.

"It's already begun." I finally muttered. "The My Immortal infection has spread."

* * *

DUN DUN DUN!!

Now, I'd suggest Googling and reading 'My Immortal'.

Fang: Warning, Rated M for mature.

Me: The content, not the maturity of the writer.

Fang: She was very immature, I'm guessing.

Me: Or a fnicking genius.

Fang: Tara Gilesbie. Either the most epic fail fanfic writer to ever have access to the internet...

Me: Or the Goddess of all Trolls.

Fang: Are we done now?

Me: Yeah. Posty time!

R&R?


	12. Mission: Immortal Goes Undercover

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKITTLES!!

Ok, it's kind of late now, but I told you I'd update the story you wanted for your birthday, and you said Day in Therapy, so....Here goes nothing.

Fang: Like there haven't been enough gifts given already.

Me: Let's not go there.

* * *

Fang's POV

"We must be brave." Saint said, marching back and forth in front of us. "Though our enemy may be great, we must be greater! We will not show fear! We will be strong! Resilient! Though we walk through the Valley of Shadow and Death, we shall fear no evil!"

"Crap, she's quoting the Bible." Spiffy whispered next to me.

"What does that mean?" Aragorn, the guy to my left asked.

"It means she's so scared, she's trying to get on God's good side." Pooky answered.

In one way, I didn't blame the girl for being scared out of her wits. The only 'army' she'd been able to muster consisted of a Purple penguin, myself, King Aragorn of Gondor, Quil, King Leonidas of Sparta, Christian, and a Hobbit Named Spiffy. Not exactly your prime fighting material. Sure, a lot of us had fighting experience, but let's remember, she grabbed these guys out of a _Therapy Center._ They probably weren't all there, if you know what I mean. Especially King Leo.

"CONQUER!" King Leo yelled out loudly, prooving my point.

"Yes, Leonidas!" Saint exclaimed. "That's the spirit!"

"But, that's _always_ the spirit he's in." I pointed out.

Saint just glared at me and continued her pre-battle speech.

I went back to staring boredly at the wall. Really, what was so damn scary about some Mary-Sue with little to no brain power, a Hot Topic frequent shopper's discount, and a thing for Gerard Way? How was she going to destroy us all? She couldn't even spell her own damn name half the time! I was still trying to figure out if it was Ebony, Enoby, or Eboby!

"Alright!" Saint said, hitting her fist into her hand for emphasis. "Let's break up into teams of..." She looked around at our small group. "Uh...You know what? We'll all just go together. Ok?"

As we all went to stand up, I heard Aragorn mutter something along the lines of, "This is madness."

Oh, crap.

"Bad wording, Aragorn!" Spiffy exclaimed.

"Why?" Aragorn started to ask, but he was cut off by the other king in the room.

"Madness?" King Leo asked, jumping up on his chair. "THIS IS SPARTA!!" He slammed his sword down onto another chair in back of his, cracking it in two.

I resisted the urge to whack my head off of a wall. This was going to be living Hell...

* * *

The halls were quiet. Deserted. Not a soul walking around except us.

I was beginning to wonder if I was in the same center that had been bustling with life just yesterday.

We went quietly through the halls, trying not to disturb...Ok, so I don't know what we were trying not to disturb, but I'm sure, whatever it was, it slept soundly. We didn't make a peep.

"Lady Saint?" Spiffy asked, whispering. "Why do I have to carry Christian?"

"Because I trust you to protect him." She answered, poking her head around a corner.

It was probably more like Saint couldn't carry him 'cause she was being all leaderish, Aragorn and I couldn't 'cause we were the fighters, Leonidas would probably 'conquer' him, Quil would start singing to him, thus ruining out 'staying quiet' method of sneaking, and Pooky didn't really have the hands to carry him, but she wouldn't crush the little hobbit's ego like that.

Just as I was beginning to get bored with this whole 'sneaking around like we actually have something to sneak around' deal, we made it to the stairs above the lobby. There, I found out what we had been avoiding.

In the lobby was what looked like either a satanic ritual or a meeting of Hot Topic Addicts Anonymous. There were a bunch of people just milling around, dressed in the most ridiculous excuses for goth outfits I'd ever seen while blaring what sounded like My Chemical Romance and Good Charlotte.

And people call me goth ans emo. Really, I'm not _that_ bad.

Though, the music wasn't _too_ bad, I guess. And some of those outfits were...Ok...

"FANG!" Saint snapped, slapping the side of my face.

"Ow, what?" I hissed back at her.

"You were, like, leaning towards them." Spiffy said.

"You looked hypnotized." Pooky added.

"He was being sucked in by the powers of My Immortal." Saint explained. "You all need to be careful not to lose yourselves in the Mary Sueness."

I just nodded, still trying to shake the sound of MCR out of my head. Maybe this whole 'My Immortal' thing was more dangerous than I thought...

"What do you suggest we do?" Aragorn asked her. I had been trying to figure out all day how we had exactly acquired this random Lord of the Rings character in our group. Now I got it. If there was anyone farther from even knowing what 'emo' or 'goth' was, it was Aragorn. Ok, and Saint might have a thing for the guy, too, but I try to ignore that. I don't really want to know what Saint's fantasies were like. Ugh.

"We're going to need to sneak in." Saint said, after a pause. "Blend in with them. We need to find Ebony and get her as far away from everyone as possible.

Ok, you know how I just said this Aragorn guy was the farthest from goth I knew? We're supposed to _blend in?!_

"How do we plan to do this, Saint?" Pooky asked.

"Hmmm..." She said, thinking. Suddenly, her eyes travelled to land on yours truly. A smile spread across her face.

Oh, crap.

"Oh, Fangles, dear..." Saint said in a sickenly sweet sort of way. "Wouldn't you like to play a little game of dress-up with us?"

You know what I said about living Hell? Nevermind. Hell has nothing on Saint's mind...

* * *

"Oh, shoot me now, my lady." Spiffy said to Saint after catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror of the bathroom we were hiding out in. "I don't think I can face the world like this."

"Oh, you'll live." She said, putting some finishing touches on his eyeliner. Yeah, eyeliner. You read right, so stop checking your damn eyesight. Saint was in charge of make-up and hair, I was in charge of wardrobe. You know, I never knew I had such eye for gothic fashion until I was asked to dress a bunch of people up as a wannabe goth band. Actually, I didn't know I had an eye for _any_ kind of fashion. I made a mental note to do something manly when this was all over to counteract the effects.

The guys had been the easy part, once I was able to find clothes that fit them. I'd had to raid the in-center laundromat to find material, but once I did, I had the pieces to dress up everyone from Aragorn's hulking frame to little baby Christian, who was now carried by Quil, by the way. Quil must have realized the need for quiet and stealth, as he wasn't singing, for once, but humming the Mission: Impossible theme. How fitting.

As soon as I had all the guys decked out in black on black, I was forced to find something for Saint. I'd observed down in the lobby that the girls weren't only on the freaky-gothic side, but the slutty side as well. I had to practically pep-talk myself into picking something fitting out for Saint. I mean, she could've technically just worn the Cloak, but they might've either recognized her or thought she was with Volfenort. Voldymort. Moldermort. Whatever the Hell they were calling him now.

It was one of the few days that I praised God that Saint had invented two particular OCs. My 'sister', Felicity and a werewolf named Eliza. Between their two closets, I was able to come up with an outfit that was not only too freakishly goth for words, but broke the majority of dress codes in every U.S. school district. I spent as much time as I could trying _not_ to look at her.

Saint handled the make-up department after that, being the only one with any experience in that field. She was met with a lot of complaints, especially from the manly men, like Aragorn and Leonidas (who tried to 'conquer' the masquera brush), but she convinced (or forced) everyone into cooperation.

Now all we could do was praise God none of our friends were around with cameras.

Cautiously, trying not to draw too much attention to ourselves, we made our way down to the lobby, staying as close together as possible. I don't even want to describe what we looked like. I'm sure you can use your imagination.

And, to make matters worse, the farther we descended into the lobby, the more...Muddled my thoughts became. And I'm sure it was the same for the others. It was almost as if we could _feel_ our IQ points dropping. Saint kept muttering to us to focus, not to get 'lost in the lack of thought'. I forced myself to focus our little group. It wasn't easy, but I managed.

As we made our way through the crowds, I began to pick out familiar faces. I hadn't recognized them at first because of the way they had been My Immortalfied, but now that I was up close, I could make them out. Harry Potter was running around calling himself 'Vampire', Edward Cullen was sitting in a corner trying to cry (key word: trying. His type of vampire doesn't really cry), Percy Jackson was trying uselessly to put on eyeliner, and Legolas was in the midst of dyeing his golden locks black.

We even spotted some non-character patients, visitors, staff, and friends that seemed to have been sucked in by the epic fail fic. I knew the minute I saw a bunch of black minkles skulking around that we must of lost Vera Amber to this plague. Skittles and Lyric, who had been in our couples counseling, were in another corner, completely silent, which, to me, just screamed that something was wrong there. And when Kara tries to change her nickname from 'K. Diddy' to 'Karasine Midnight E'vil Thorn' the world has officially gone mad.

All in all, a pretty scary scene.

And, sitting in the middle of it all, surrounded by some of the most gothic of the goths, was Ebony D'arkness Dementia Raven Way.

* * *

Me: Well, that seems like a good spot to leave off, for now. Gotta leave a whole chapter open to see what happens next.

Fang: Hope Skits like her b-day present.

Me: Yeah. I managed to stick you and Leer into my couples counseling here! :D And Vera, yes, I got your name in here, too. And then I thought of the nickname '' and had to have fun with that, Kara. As for the rest of the gang, I'll just have to shamelessly plug you into another fic. :D

Fang: Post now?

Me: Si.

R&R?


	13. Everything Goes Black

Me: My life is an utter train wreck.

Fang: As you can see, we're going for the upbeat approach lately...

Me: So, I'm busy as heck with school and life-related stuff, first and formost. Then, I'm having some major problems at the place I'm living right now and am considering an attempt to move out. Where will I go? No clue, except that I don't really have the money to move nor can I find a job that will give me said money.

Fang: And there's the problem of finding a place that'll take in a dog, a cat, two guinea pigs, and two mice.

Me: So, fics have been neglected. Again.

Fang: They've been neglected ever since all Hell broke loose in July.

Me: -nods- Almost an entire year of crappy updating. I'd like to promise it'll get better, but I can never be sure of my life anymore. Instead, my best bet is to try and finish some of the finishable fics and update when I can.

Fang: And there's the top-priority non-fanfiction material that needs to be worked on...

Me: -nods- But, in the meantime, how about we get Day in Therapy going again?

Fang: Sounds like a plan.

* * *

Fang's POV

Ebony D'arkness Demetia Raven Way. A name that strikes fear into the minds of good writers, avid readers, and English teacher alike.

And the bearer of that name was sitting in our therapy center lobby.

And the only ones around to defeat her were a group of misfits dressed up as a wannabe goth band, a couple of them being patients of said therapy center.

Worried yet? I sure am.

But Saint? Saint doesn't worry. Saint comes up with insane and outrageous plans instead.

"Ok, so...Anyone know Kung Fu?"

We all just stared at her, either with faces of complete confusion or faces that screamed, 'You're kidding me, right?'

"Well, that kills my first plan." She said, sighing. Her eyes darted around warily as a group of former patients wearing Good Charlotte t-shirts and discussing the pros and cons of black lipstick walked by the corner we had found to huddle in. Every once in a while, if someone got too close, we'd pretend to be just standing there sulking or start talking about how much we hated life or something. We'd already seen one person be declared a 'preppy poser' and get unceremoniously tossed into the streets outside. We had to be careful.

"Ok." Saint continued when they were out of earshot. "We need to find a way to lure Eboby...Enoby...Err...Ebony away from the rest of the crowd. We need to do it discreetly and, most importantly, while killing as few of our brain cells as possible. Any ideas?"

"I wish I had the Jello Catapult..." Spiffy muttered.

"Or my laser gun..." Pooky added.

"I think both of those would kill the 'stealth' part of the plan." I pointed out.

"Conquer?" King Leonidas asked.

"Not today, Leo." Saint said.

"We can't just...Charge in and take her?" Aragorn asked.

"None of you know the meaning of 'stealth', do you?" I asked.

"We could probably just tell her that Gerard Way is in the other room and wants to meet her." Quil said, shrugging.

Saint snapped her fingers. "That's an excell...Quil?!"

We all turned to stare at Quil where he stood, holding Christian.

"Did he just...Speak?" I asked. "Like, minus the melody?"

"Quil?" Saint asked again.

Quil looked up at all of us, opening his mouth and taking a breathe. Then...

_"My life reads like the Classifieds."_

We all, literally, facepalmed. "So much for that..." I muttered.

"At least he gave us an idea." Saint said. "I say we use it."

After a bit of planning and debate, we agreed on a strategy for Quil's idea and got ready to put it into action. Soon, our group was making its way towards Ebony and her circle of supporters, trying to look as miserable as possible.

The closer we got to the group, the more...Intoxicating the music sounded. I just wanted to stop and listen. Just one little MCR song couldn't hurt, right? And the more I looked at Ebony, the better she looked. Maybe she wasn't so freaky after all...

Suddenly, I realized where my thoughts were drifting to. I shook my head slightly, bringing myself back to reality. This girl was more dangerous than she seemed.

I looked around our group as we approached and found myself having to poke and prod a couple people back into reality. They had begun to wander off or start to hum with the music. I noticed Saint was humming something under her breathe, but it wasn't some extreme emo music, it was a different song. Country, from the sound of it. Probably to counteract Ebony's magic disease.

"Do you guys need something?" Ebony asked when we got close enough. Her friends stared at us warily. Well, I think they did. You couldn't really tell through all the extra eyeliner.

"Konichiwa, Ebony." Saint said to her. "So, we were sent to tell you that Gerard Way himself is here to see you. He's in the other room. We can take you to him."

Ebony's eyes widened. "Really?!" How gullible can you get? She walked over to us, practically strutting. Seriously, did this girl have to try to do _everything_ sexily?

Saint had her follow us as we headed toward a room off the main lobby. Being this close to her wasn't easy. My thoughts felt all muddled and confused at times. I began to wonder if life really had a point. The spelling of my own name started to become hazy. I kept pinching myself to stay focused.

Finally, we got her into a hallway and through a door into a large, empty multi-purpose room. Ebony looked around, confused.

"I don't see Gerard anywhere." She said.

"He'll be here." Saint assured her. "He's gotta have his limo drop him off...Might be stuck in traffic."

Ebony eyed her suspiciously. "Are you lying to me?"

"Me? Lie? Never." Saint lied.

Ebony began to eye all of us. "You guys don't act right. You act kind of like a bunch of preppy posers."

I could tell things weren't going well. She was on to us. I nudged Saint, whispering, "Can't you say a spell or something? Get rid of her?"

"I'm having trouble thinking of a good spell." Saint admitted. "Her powers are messing with my creativity."

"Then say a bad one!" I said. "Anything to get rid of her!"

"I think you've all tried to trick me!" Ebony exclaimed. I noticed her reaching for something that was stuffed in the belt of her skirt. A wand. Crap.

Then, everything happened at once.

"Conquer!" King Leo yelled, raising his sword to counter Ebony's wand.

Christian began to cry at that point. Quil started to sing what sounded like the 'Hoedown Throwdown'.

Spiffy and Pooky jumped to attack Ebony, but Aragorn grabbed them, seeing that they obviously weren't much of a match for the goth witch.

"No, Leo!" Saint yelled, jumping in between Ebony and Leonidas to stop him.

But King Leonidas didn't listen to her. He began to swing his sword anyway.

Right towards Saint.

I acted on instinct, thinking that I could just blame it all on Stolkholm Syndrome later. I jumped forward to push Saint, my kidnapper/boss/therapist/slave master/thing, out of the way of the swinging sword.

As I jumped, I heard Ebony let out a yell. A black light erupted from her side of the room, engulfing everything.

I believe saying that everything went black here would be redundant, but I can think of no other way to end this section.

* * *

when i woke up, i could already tgwll something was uo.

everyhig seemed so................confused. i pulled mysekf off the floor, trying to get my breaeings.

as soon as I stood up i understod wat part of myproblem wsas. no matter how Iv said somthubf in my head, it seemed all messed up lije my brain couldnt remember how to speel or say the wordds anymore.

I gabe my head a shakes, getting my thoughts back into order.

Ok, now let me rephrase all of that above for you.

When I woke up, I could already tell something was up.

Everything seemed so... Confused. I pulled myself off the floor, trying to get my bearings.

As soon as I stood up, I understood what my problem was. No matter how I said something in my head, it seemed all messed up, like my brain couldn't remember how to spell or say the words anymore.

I gave my head a shake, getting my thoughts back in order.

Now, wasn't that easier to understand?

Anyway, as I started to look around the room, I thought at first that I'd somehow been teleported to another place. Everything was draped in black. The room I was in looked like a set for a really cheesy vampire movie. But as I looked more closely, I saw some familiar landmarks, such as tables, chairs, and herring-shaped insignias that told me I was still in the same center.

Same center, really bad new look.

I thought back to what had happened before I'd passed out. Ebony had obviously cast a spell. I remembered being behind Saint, pushing her out of the way of King Leonidas when the spell was cast, meaning it didn't directly hit me. Hopefully, that was a fact that would work to my advantage.

I was the only person in the room, which was not a good sign. The only way Saint would've left me alone was if she'd either been forcibly taken away or possessed, and either was a possiblility in this case.

I made my way out of the room and back down the hall, towards where Ebony had been hosting her miserable mayhem in the lobby. The entire Therapy Center seemed to have been affected by Ebony's spell. Everywhere I went was the same dreary look.

The lobby, when I reached it, was a deserted mess. Didn't their Mary Sue mothers ever teach them to clean up after themselves? I picked my way through the mess and headed upstairs, hoping to find somebody.

And, unfortunately, I did.

As I made my way through the upper floors, I started to run into familiar faces, but all of them My Immortal-ified. It was a good thing I was still in my cheesy goth get-up or I might have been attacked or something. Former center employees trying on black eyeliner. I saw some Twilight vampires caking some kind of powder on themselves in an attempt to not sparkle. I even thought I saw Percy Jackson helping Chiron dye himself black. And everyone I saw had this blank, depressed expression on their face. Things were getting _much_ worse...

I began to race through the halls, trying to find _someone_ who could help. I checked every ward. Ward 14 was completely cleared out. I bet they had all been let free. The OCs ward was absolutely depressing. All those great characters transformed into Mary Sues. I couldn't watch. Section 11, which was where Saint's messenger birds were kept, was a disgrace. Every bird had been replaced with a gaunt-looking Raven that would glare at you if you so much as looked at it crooked. Ward 21, the Ward for characters with relationship issues, had been covered with graffittied broken hearts and had loud, depressing music blaring through the halls. I couldn't get near Ward 8, the Ward for characters with drug addictions. From what I could smell when I got close, you could get high from just walking in. Section 7, the Skype Crew section, was another depressing mess. I'd never seen the Emo Corner that full before. I made a mental note that the Skype Crew Room should be round. Heck, the spell had even attacked the Children's Ward. I hadn't even known Hot Topic _had_ a baby's section.

Then, I began to slowly piece together my former group.

I found Spiffy and Pooky first. They walked around like they were in a trance, not even noticing me when I tried to talk to them. Spiffy was graffitting his Jello Catapult while Pooky was attempting to assemble himself a coffin.

I found Quil next. He'd formed his own emo band that was now attempting to write depressing music to sing.

Poor little Christian just sat in a corner a whimpered. No matter what I did, I couldn't comfort him.

King Leo was carving pentagrams into the walls with his sword. I did _not_ what to be here when Saint found that...

I found Aragorn, who was helping some other gothic zombies throw out what I guess were considered to be 'preppy poser magazines'. Can't say I'd mourn the loss of 'Teen People' and 'Cosmopolitan', but still...

Then, I spotted her.

"Saint!" I yelled out, running towards where she was sitting, curled up in a chair, writing. She looked like good old Saint, black Cloak of Doom, pen in hand, everything.

But when I got closer, I realized something here was wrong as well.

Saint always wrote in her writing notebook in purple pen. It was, like, her lucky pen or something. But now she was using black. She didn't give off that contented air she usually did when writing, but rather a depressing one with the way she sat, curled up like she was about to cry. And, as I looked over her shoulder, I saw that all she wrote was poetry, and of the depressing kind at that. And, to top it all off, it was _horrible_ poetry to boot. Even the spelling and grammar sucked. This was so _not_ the Fanfiction Writer I knew.

Ebony had got to Saint.

I could have screamed. Instead, I tried to shake her, hoping to snap her out of her fog. "Saint, it's Fang. Come on, snap out of it, girl! Hello? Earth to Saint, this is Fang trying to make contact. Over."

She just shrugged me off, mumbling something like, "Not now, Fang..."

I stepped back, feeling numb with shock. How could this have happened? How could one pathetic Mary Sue turn an entire therapy center upside-down in less than a day?

I walked away from the sad scene, trying to think. My first instinct was to hunt down Enoby/Ebony/Eboby and rip her jugular out, but I soon realized that a direct attack would do nothing but cause me to wind up in the same position as everyone else. But I had to do _something._ The entire Center, not to mention the collective IQ of the entire Fanfiction Community was at stake and I was the only one currently able to do something about it.

I thought about possible solutions over and over again for hours, going through scenarios in my head until I had just about developed a migraine. Finally, I kicked a chair out of frustration, trying hard not to scream and draw attention to myself.

"Why did this have to happen in the first place?" I asked myself. "This should've have happened. Someone should have stopped it!"

That's when an idea began to form in my head. I remembered something, an item Saint has acquired in her travels. Something that could help me set things right.

I didn't stop to think, to ponder if this was a good idea or not. It didn't matter. It was my only hope.

I turned and headed for the lower levels of the Center.

The Parking Garage Level, to be exact.

* * *

Fang: This has turned into a Horror Fic...

Me: -shudders- When I think of me acting so...So...

Fang: Brainless and zombie-like?

Me: -shudders-

Fang: Let's move on to a happier topic. What about Zazzle?

Me: Oh, yeah! Please, go to my profile page and click on 'Zazzle' under the 'Find Me At' section. If you're feeling rich and have the money to spare (Without stealing from your parents, by the way. I would like to at least attempt to be seen as a good influence.) think about supporting a college student and her kidnapee and buy some cool little merchandise-type stuff. Yes, Saint has merchandise now. Why? Because she is poor and desperate.

Fang: And in serious need of a redecorator after what Ebony did to the Center.

Me: -sigh- That too. Anyway, so check out my virtual store! Oh, and I'll also keep you posted for when Matt (tgypwya) has all of his 'Saint Store' stuff up and ready.

Fang: Yeah, somehow Saint got some Damn Floridian to work for her...

Me: I did not 'get him' to do anything! He just...Did it. 'Cause he's fnicking awesomene like that.

Fang: And probably a better designer to boot.

Me: -nods- So, I'll also add in a shameless plug for Matthias here, because of his awesomeness. tgypwya is his pen name on here. Check him out, peeps!

Fang: Ok...We done?

Me: Yep.

Fang: You want to update this thing already? It's been long enough.

Me: -grins- Update time.

R&R? Zazzle? Matt? Cheesy Grits?


	14. The Therapist's Assistant

Me: So close...So close to being done...

Fang: With your epical update, you mean?

Me: -nods- I only have three chapters left to write, and then...Epic update...

Fang: Technically, four chapters. And...The reason you're doing the epical update...

Me: Oh, yes, but save that for the end.

Fang: Gotcha.

* * *

Fang's POV

I couldn't believe the amount of vehicles that Saint had acquired. I mean, as far as I knew, the girl didn't even have her license yet! What was she doing with so many vehicles? When did she ever have time to take these things out, anyway? Well, judging from the skid marks on the ground, she must've been racing them around at some point.

Besides her trusty old Saab, I ran into the Flintstone's car, a collection of hoverboards, a Silver Volvo, a fleet of boats from Lothlorien, a raft, some brooms, a dragon, a stable full of horses, a train, The Mystery Machine, hovercars, a powder blue buick, a couple cop cars, a taxi cab, a golden chariot, a couple motorcycles, and so much more. But, though it took some searching, I finally found what I was looking for.

A DeLorean DMC-12. Better known as a time machine.

I hopped into the car, thankful to find the keys sitting in the ignition. I guess Saint figured the chances of someone daring to steal from her were slim. Well, so much for that theory.

I pulled the car out so it was in the aisle in between all the parking spaces. I was going to need a lot of room to get this baby to 88 mph.

I set the time machine to this same time about two days ago, when Ebony first came.

I took a deep breath and sighed, flexing my hands on the steering wheel. My driving with normal cars was less than stellar, who knows what I'd do with a time machine. But my choices were pretty limited right now. I had to stop this madness, and fast.

I took another breath, gritted my teeth, and floored the gas pedal.

The car was suddenly going so fast that everything was blurred. The next thing I knew, the wall at the other side of the garage was coming up, and coming up fast. I slammed on the breaks, causing the car to squeal to a halt right before hitting the wall.

I hit the wheel with my fist in frustration. Well, that did a whole lot. Almost got me killed. Stupid 'time machine'.

I backed the car up and was surprised to see only the skid marks I had seen earlier. I would've thought that my stop would've made some new ones.

I slowly backed the car back up to its parking space, and started to back it back in, but something was in its way.

A DeLorean DMC-12.

Wait...

I got out and compared both cars. They were exactly the same. I walked down and inspected the tire marks. They were fresh. _I_ had made the skid marks I had seen earlier.

I was in the past.

I fought down the urge to do a victory dance. Not only would that have been totally out of character for me, I didn't have the time. I needed to stop Ebony.

And I knew just the person to get to help me.

I raced to the cafeteria, taking out a couple old ladies and a dwarf on my way. I'd worry about them later, I had bigger fish to fry.

1:15. I was right on time to run into the one person I knew I could get to help me, just as he was coming out of the cafeteria. Before he could say anything or anyone could come out and see us, I grabbed him and dragged him into an empty room.

"What the Hell?" He asked. "Who the heck are- Holy crap." He said, looking at me. "_Please_ don't tell me Saint's cloning me now."

I cringed at the thought. Sounded just like something I would say. Well, obviously, since I just said it. "No, I'm not a clone. You know the time machine Saint keeps downstairs?"

"The DeLorean?" Past-Fang asked. "Wait, you're from the future, aren't you?"

I nodded. "Just two days in the future, but they're two very eventful days. And I'm here to make them become uneventful."

"What do we need to do?" I asked myself. Ok, that's just weird.

"Well, there's a new patient who's supposed to come in." I explained. "Ebony D'arkness Dementia Raven Way."

I made a weirded-out face. "Who names their kid 'Dementia'?"

I shrugged. "No clue. It's not the point, anyway. The point is, we need to stop her from coming in."

"Why is that?" I asked myself. I decided to never make fun of someone for talking to themselves again.

"Let's just say, she screws things up, and she screws them up bad." I explained vaguely. "Would I be here if it wasn't bad?"

"If you want to get technical, yes, you would be here."

I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean."

"So, where do we find this 'Eboby Darkened Demented Raver Wade' person?"

I repressed a facepalm. Was I really that stupid? Or maybe I had a hearing problem? I'd have it checked out later. I motioned for Past-Me to follow myself. "Come on."

After making a short pit stop, we made our way to Section 1 of the building. That was where new patients were evaluated and admitted. Ebony would have to come through these doors to make it into the center.

We searched through all the new patients currently in the section and made sure that Ebony hadn't already made it through and been admitted. Then, we hunkered down outside the doors and waited.

"You sure this is when she'll come through?" Past Me asked.

I nodded. "It has to be."

"Hey." Past Me said. "Don't you think people will stare at us if we sit out here together?"

I shrugged. "They've seen weirder."

Other me shrugged back. "Good point."

Suddenly, a gust of wind picked up, and out of it spun a girl flying down on a broom. Her black hair whipped sexily...No, not using that word again. _Alluringly_ around her face. (Isn't that a better word? Really gives it a more poetic feel. Damn, I feel smart.) As she landed, her clothes jingled with the sounds of chains and her short skirt was almost swept up high enough to leave nothing left to my imagination. She turned, brushing her hair out of her face and made eye contact with us.

We both stood. "Ebony D'arkness Dementia Raven Way, I presume." I said.

She nodded. "And you are?"

"Border patrol." I said. "We protect the borders between what is good and what is bad. You need to go back to the bad end, girl."

She glared and pulled out her wand. "I'm not going to be stopped by a couple of preppy posers!"

I smiled and pulled out the weapon we had grabbed during our pit stop that you may have noticed was mentioned above. A wand. I 'borrowed' it from Saint's weapons stash. The label on it said 'The Elder Wand'. Whatever. It looked pretty powerful, plus, I had to fight off Harry Potter for it, who had just been going to get it, for some reason. All I knew was that it was a good wand, and I needed a good wand, even if I wasn't sure how to use it.

"Ebony, I'm giving you one chance to surrender and return to My Immortal." I said. "I don't want to have to use force." Ok, so I wanted to use force, but I knew that probably wasn't a good idea. I was supposed to be all chivalrous and such.

"You can't make me!" she screeched. She pointed her wand at me. "Expelliarmus!"

I yelled out, "Stupefy!" at the same time, being one of the few spells I actually knew, and pointed my wand at her. The two spells collided in the air in a flash of red and green, neither doing damage to either of us.

She stomped her foot in frustration. "Poser!"

I raised my wand again, trying to remember another spell.

"What about that body-binding spell thing?" The other me said.

Thank God Past Me had a better memory. "Petrificus Totalus!"

But Ebony was on to me. "Protego!"

A shield jumped up around her, sending my spell rebounding back at us.

"Duck!" Past Me yelled, dragging me down.

The spell flew over us and ended up hitting a passing pidgeon, who flopped to the ground, paralyzed.

"Damn..." Other Me said.

"Agreed." I replied, standing back up with him.

Ebony was glaring at us. "You'll pay. I bet you're with Voldermott!"

Oh, come on! I facepalmed. "It's _Voldemort,_ genius! _Voldemort!_ Get it through your thick, illiterate head!"

At that point, she dropped her wand, pulling out a gun instead. Smith and Wesson. Wow, when did I learn gun brands? I've been reading Saint's bounty hunter books too much.

"How about I put this bullet through _your_ head?" She asked, aiming the gun at me.

I raised my wand back at her, grinning. "You feeling lucky, punk?" Oh, that sounded badass. Awesome.

She shot the gun off, just as I used one of the other few spells that I knew.

"Reducto!" I yelled, pointing the wand at the bullet. The bullet exploded in midair, sending pieces of shrapnel all over. "Protego!" Was the next thing I yelled, putting a shield around Past Me and I so we wouldn't get hit. Then, "Petrificus Totalus!" Had Ebony in a full body-bind in seconds.

"Awesome, errr...Other Me!" Past Me said, clapping me on the shoulder. "How'd you know how to do that?"

I stood there, still frozen in place with my arm holding my wand in the air. "I have no idea..."

"Well, now what?" Past Me asked.

"I'm going to send Ebony back from whence she came." I said. "You need to go inside and come up with some explanation as to what when on out here, since I'm sure we've gotten someone's attention by now. Then, I'm heading back to the future, so to speak. Make sure no one heads down to the parking garage. I'm going to need the space."

"So, this is...Goodbye?" Past Me asked.

I smiled and waved. "Hey, I'll see ya in the mirror." Then I turned and ran toward Ebony. I was bad enough at all the goodbye crap as it was, forget saying goodbye to myself. I grabbed Ebony and dragged her into an alley along with her broom. She was glaring at me, but unable to say a word, thank God. I looked around the alley until I found an old shoe. I held my wand to it.

"Portus." I said, and the shoe glowed blue. I'd succeeded in making a Portkey. Go me!

I stuck the Portkey in Ebony's right hand and her broom in her left. I also stuck her wand back in her pocket. I took the gun, though. No way was she going to be running around with that thing.

I'll see ya later...Not." I said as she disappeared

I walked out of the alley and looked toward the sky. It looked like we were about to get a tornado or something. There were black clouds swirling above the center.

The entrance to the realm of My Immortal.

I raised my wand at the sky, then realized I didn't know a spell for Evil Portal Closing.

I had a WWSD moment. What Would Saint Do?

She'd try everything.

I waved my wand at the sky. "Abra Kadabra! Alakazam! Hotpocket!"

Nothing. Great...

* * *

_"This stupid portal's in my way._

_The swirling clouds don't make my day._

_I'll only be happy when I see a sun's ray,_

_So make this portal go away!"

* * *

_

Lightening flashed, but the portal still stood.

Well, there was still one technique I hadn't tried.

I sighed, then raised my arms in the air again, pointing the wand at the clouds.

"BEGONE, SATAN!"

Thunder rolled, and the swirling clouds changed direction, becoming smaller and smaller as they spun, until there wasn't a cloud left in the sky. The sun broke through, lighting up the parking lot around me.

I only had a couple seconds to stand there in shock. Quickly, I stuffed my wand in my pocket and raced for the parking garage, towards the DeLorean. I needed to see how the future had turned out.

Unfortunately, I forget to return the wand.

* * *

Me: I think I got a whole 'full circle' feel going here. Fang uses all my techniques, he gets a wand...

Past Fang: I agree.

Future Fang: Very well done.

Me: ...Have you guys been playing with the DeLorean again?

The Fangs: No...

Me: -eyeroll- Sure...

Future Fang: So, I think we should introduce the contest.

Past Fang: What contest?

Future Fang: The one you don't know about yet.

Me: So...

I'M HOLDING A CONTEST, PEOPLE!

Future Fang: The Saint's Sequels Contest.

Me: Details about it are in a forum bearing the contest's name and in the newest chapter of the Poetry Corner!

Future Fang: Check it out!

Past Fang: ...I'm confused...

Future Fang: -facepalm-

R&R&To the contest!


	15. Saint Makes Plans

Me: Who's excited to see what happens next?

Fang: -raises hand-

Me: You're not acting very excited.

Fang: Saint, since when do I do excited?

Me: Since I said so. I demand a show of emotion!

Fang: Make me.

Me: Oh...I will...

* * *

Fang's POV

I pulled the DeLorean back into its parking space as gently as I could, slowly turning the engine off. I breathed a sigh of relief. With any luck, this was all over. I hoped I hadn't messed up the time-space continuum too much.

I hid the keys in the glovebox and slowly climbed out of the car. From there, I decided I would quietly make my way to the cafeteria and pray that no one would realize I had ever been gone. Better if no one knew what had happened.

I turned around, ready to head for the stairs...

And walked right into Saint.

"Ow." I said, rubbing my forehead where we had collided. I looked at her, trying to figure out what to say. She had her arms crossed and was tapping her foot loudly on the pavement. Not a good sign...

"She run well?" Saint asked, sounding annoyed.

I nodded. "Heh, yeah..."

Saint jerked her head toward the stairs. "Why don't you come up to my office and tell me _just_ how well that baby runs..."

* * *

To make a long story short, I ended up telling her the whole thing.

For the longest time, she just stared. And stared.

And stared.

Finally, she sighed.

"I suppose I should thank you." she said. "You saved the Center from near-disaster. I'm going to have to establish some more defenses around here to stop such things from happening again."

"Please do." I said. "'Cause I'm not exactly excited about going back in time again..."

"You should be proud." she said. "It's not many who could work under such pressure."

"What the heck saved me from getting emo-fied in the first place?" I asked. "I'm still not quite understanding that one."

"Maybe because you're emo enough?" Saint guessed.

I rolled my eyes. "Very funny..."

"I think it may all have to do with position, honestly." She said. "You pushed me out of the way of King Leo's sword...You didn't push me toward Ebony, did you?"

"I may have..." I admitted.

"That may be it." Saint said. "I may have been close enough to act as a sort of shield for you. I got a full blast of spell, it bounced off me and hit everyone else, and you just got knocked out by the kickback."

"Always thought it'd be fun to use you as a human shield." I joked.

"This whole event, though." Saint said. "It gives me...Something to think about. I've been trying to make some decisions concerning my therapist work, and this may help me out. I'll have to think on it..."

"Well, while you're doing all the heavy thinking, I'll be in the cafeteria." I said, getting up. That's when I felt something in my pocket. I reached in and pulled out the wand. "Oh, I almost forgot about this." I said, holding it up.

Saint looked up at the wand and stared.

And stared.

And stared.

"What?" I finally asked. "Never seen a magical stick-thing before?"

"Fang...How'd you get that?" Saint asked, sounding shocked.

"I...Got it from one of the supply rooms." I said, now worried. Had a grabbed, like, The Accursed Wand of Smallpox or something? "Had to beat up Harry Potter for it."

"You beat Harry Potter and took the Elder Wand." Saint stated.

"Uhh...Yeah, I guess." I said, twirling the wand. "Is that bad?"

"I don't know yet." Saint said, after a moment. "Well, until then, I guess you're Fang, Master of the Elder Wand..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

Saint shrugged, starting to go over some papers on her desk. "Only that you are now holding and have power over a wand so powerful it's said to be invincible."

Oh.

* * *

So, I was just finishing up my fifth desert in the cafeteria, using The Almighty Invincible Elder Wand as a drumstick on my plate, when Saint walked in, followed by Quil, who was doing a fantastic rendition of 'King of the Road' and carrying Christian, who was laughing away in his arms. Saint plopped herself down next to me at the table as Quil walked Christian around the room.

"So." Saint said, reaching over and stealing a cookie off of my plate. "Tell me again who the people were in our group to stop Ebony?"

I thought for a moment. "You, me, Quil, Christian, Pooky, Spiffy, Aragorn, and Leonidas. I think that's it." I said.

"Really? I was the only girl?" Saint said.

I nodded. "Sorry, but all the other girls got emo-fied."

She rolled her eyes. "Figures...So, would you say everyone in that group worked well together?" she asked me.

I shrugged. "Could've been better, could've been worse." I said.

"Interesting...You know, I've been thinking of doing something new with my business." Saint said.

"Really, like what?" I asked, downing the rest of my ice cream.

"Well, I feel like the Center just isn't enough." She said. "I mean, I travel as best as I can, but I never really get away from the Center to help characters. What about the ones that can't come to me?"

"Well...They're out of luck, right?" I asked.

She leaned back in her chair, deep in thought again. "Not for long..."

* * *

"And that's why we're here." I said, wincing as we hit another bump.

"Kind of a roundabout way of telling a story, if you ask me." Spiffy said. "We didn't need either of your life stories."

"Well, you got 'em." Saint said, swerving to miss what I hoped wasn't a small child or a cop car. When I'd asked her about five minutes after we left if she'd gotten her license yet, all she did was laugh evilly...

"Besides, there's nothing better to do in this tin can." I said, trying to curl up in my seat.

"I'm still not quite getting what we're doing here." Aragorn said. It was the first thing he'd said in a while, seeing as he had been on the verge of car sickness for the past two hours. We were all keeping our distance.

"You're all here to be my assistants, my protectors, my apprentices." Saint said proudly. "We are pioneering a new service of my Therapy Center...House calls!"

"The crazies don't come to us anymore." I said. "Now we go find them in their natural habitat."

"Are you sure Buieruwen and Yoda will be able to handle the center while we're gone?" Pooky asked Saint.

Saint nodded. "They'll be fine, I trust them. Don't worry about the Center for now. We're out to conquer the world!" She said, fistpumping the air above her.

"CONQUER!" King Leo yelled from the back of the van. I thought it had been pretty risky sticking him back there. It was hard enough for Saint to see out the back window of this shag wagon with our little trailer behind it. King Leonidas only made things worse.

"So, if we can't tell life stories, what are we going to do?" I asked Spiffy.

Suddenly, Quil, who was up front holding Christian, tried to give us an idea. "_Ninety-Nine bottles of beer on the wall._"

"SHUT UP, QUILL!"

_**Fin.

* * *

**_

**Note:** I've gotten enough comments about this to warrant an answer. Quill is a character from Twilight, not from Harry Potter. The reason he sings springs from a chapter of my fanfic 'Fly by Twilight: The Pack' where he sang one line of a song. Tiny scene, big impact. I remembered that when I started writing this fic and decided Quill needed a singing problem. Yep, I have issues.

Fang: ...Did you just...End 'A Day in Therapy'?

Me: I believe I just did.

Fang: But...Something about it doesn't seem like an end...

Me: Why do you think that?

Fang: House calls?

Me: Exactly...


	16. Breaking the Fourth Wall

Spiffy: -is sweeping up the floor-

Pooky: -is dusting-

Spiffy: -looks up at you- Wait a second...What are you readers still doing here?

Pooky: -looks up- Yeah, this fic's over!

Spiffy: I know it's hard to let a good fic go, but you gotta move along here.

Pooky: Yeah, we're trying to clean here!

Spiffy: -sigh- Alright, if you're really missing A Day in Therapy _that_ much, that you're hanging around here after the last chapter, I suppose I could tell you about the sequel.

Pooky: There's a sequel to A Day in Therapy called **A Day of House Calls.** It's taking all of this insanity and putting it on the road!

Spiffy: Yeah, go check it out! Saint's got a lot more great adventures to tell you about with her little posse of Apprentice Therapists!

Pooky: Not to mention, it's a great way to get more inspiration for the **Saint's Sequels Contest!** You know, I heard she may be setting a deadline for that, and-

Saint: SPIFFY! POOKY! ARE YOU GUYS BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL AGAIN?

Spiffy: Heh...Gotta run!

Pooky: See ya over at...

**A Day of House Calls**


End file.
